I blogged a while back about Hannah and how she would always ask "what are we doing tomorrow?". I miss those days. Now the questions have so much more riding on them. What in the world is she doing this fall???
She was accepted at UMHB....but couldn't play golf there. She was accepted at LeTourneau and could play golf there, but we found out last night that we really couldn't really pay for it. Last night as I tucked her in, there were tears because she was so overwhelmed. What in the world will I do? she asked. She had no direction...she was very depressed.
This morning she woke up with the same questions. We talked and then we got back to the idea of junior college at Blinn. Our constant fall back. And living with Emily in College Station in her new townhouse. Not sure how we'd afford it, but we would manage, I am sure. But that didn't seem to be the right answer somehow. Not just that it wasn't what she wanted to do, but more than that... I dont' know what the problem was exactly.
She took a deep breath in and spoke. "I just keep going back to...theater. I know part of it is because we're in the middle of one act season and because I just got best actress, but I am good at it and I enjoy it." I said, "Then why don't you just do Blinn for a year and then...." "No, that doesn't get me anywhere unless I want to live in Brenham" she said. "I don't have anyone in Brenham". Sad really...she did have someone. Dillon had been her someone and broke up with her almost a year ago. Left her last spring, just drove away and never looked back. Hard to understand and harder to forgive. But, easier to take when you trust God and His plan for her. Anyway, she was right. No one in Brenham to room with, no one to hang out with, no one to connect with. She then said, "But what about McClennon Community College and living with K'Lynn in Waco?" I said "Do they have a theater program at MCC?" "Yes, they actually have a good one" she said, "but do you think I could actually live with K'Lynn? " "Hmmm....you two might just kill each other!" I replied. "Or", she said, "we might just have the best time." Yep...that felt right.
She immediately called her sister and was greeted with a squeal and an excited conversation followed. We had discussed this as a possibility, months ago. K'Lynn had said she would move into a 2 bedroom apartment and we could pay the difference in the rent. We talked about her being able to share other expenses with K'Lynn and how nice that would be. Later in the morning, I texted Hannah and asked about sending a deposit to UMHB, which we had discussed the night before. She asked me not to send the deposit now. She felt good about it. She has a new direction. Not sure what will happen after that, but for now, she has a new idea of what she is doing this fall..
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Friday, March 20, 2015
The gift...
Have you ever been given a gift, but didn't recognize it at the time as that? This has happened to me and I am really only seeing it this way now- years later.
My history with my dad is well doumented. We have not had a good relationship, well, ever I guess. I have blogged about how he didn't want to see us come to Anderson because it was a 'dead end town' and that he felt it was a poor choice. When my mom moved in with me, he stayed in Queen City. I felt like we were a safe distance away and that maybe we wouldn't have to deal with him for a while. My brother was right there. I had mom- he could handle dad, right? You would have thought so. Somehow that really never worked out and dad had one health crisis after another. A heart attatck, a stroke, a broken hip, a move to the nursing home...the hits kept on coming.
When dad moved to the nursing home in Texarkana, he was there for quite a while. Several months I guess. He had more health issues, ended up in the hospital again, just almost died, and I began to question how much my brother was looking after my dad. At the time, I was very judgemental of that. I could not understand why he never seemed to find time to check on dad. Even now I still don't, although I do get it a little more than I did then.
When mom had been here 2 years, she was finally ready. I had been asking her if Dad might be able to be moved to Navasota, less than 10 miles from us. At first, she said no. She was scared he would pressure her or expect too much of her. Over time, though, she realized my brother was not checking on him at all and that he was all alone there. In March, 2013, she had him moved. He adjusted pretty quickly to his room, the roommate he had (still has), the nurses, the routine...everything. He has done really well. His health has improved 1000% His attitude has as well. He is close enough that my sister can come see him. My brother has been here I think twice.
((( Whatever...that is another whole blog post that we're not addressing today. )))
So, here is the gift part. My relationship with my dad is so much better today than it has ever been. I sat at his bedside yesterday for about an hour and actually enjoyed the time. He had been told that he would be getting a wheelchair soon. He has not had one up until now- long story, but true. I mentioned to him that once he had this, he would be able to come to our house and even to see our church. He said "You know, I think my letter is at First Baptist Queen City. I think I would like to become a member of y'all's church.".... floored me. Not sure that this will ever happen. Not sure I will be able to handle it if it does. Recognizing this as this gift that it is. Thankful. Be blessed.
My history with my dad is well doumented. We have not had a good relationship, well, ever I guess. I have blogged about how he didn't want to see us come to Anderson because it was a 'dead end town' and that he felt it was a poor choice. When my mom moved in with me, he stayed in Queen City. I felt like we were a safe distance away and that maybe we wouldn't have to deal with him for a while. My brother was right there. I had mom- he could handle dad, right? You would have thought so. Somehow that really never worked out and dad had one health crisis after another. A heart attatck, a stroke, a broken hip, a move to the nursing home...the hits kept on coming.
When dad moved to the nursing home in Texarkana, he was there for quite a while. Several months I guess. He had more health issues, ended up in the hospital again, just almost died, and I began to question how much my brother was looking after my dad. At the time, I was very judgemental of that. I could not understand why he never seemed to find time to check on dad. Even now I still don't, although I do get it a little more than I did then.
When mom had been here 2 years, she was finally ready. I had been asking her if Dad might be able to be moved to Navasota, less than 10 miles from us. At first, she said no. She was scared he would pressure her or expect too much of her. Over time, though, she realized my brother was not checking on him at all and that he was all alone there. In March, 2013, she had him moved. He adjusted pretty quickly to his room, the roommate he had (still has), the nurses, the routine...everything. He has done really well. His health has improved 1000% His attitude has as well. He is close enough that my sister can come see him. My brother has been here I think twice.
((( Whatever...that is another whole blog post that we're not addressing today. )))
So, here is the gift part. My relationship with my dad is so much better today than it has ever been. I sat at his bedside yesterday for about an hour and actually enjoyed the time. He had been told that he would be getting a wheelchair soon. He has not had one up until now- long story, but true. I mentioned to him that once he had this, he would be able to come to our house and even to see our church. He said "You know, I think my letter is at First Baptist Queen City. I think I would like to become a member of y'all's church.".... floored me. Not sure that this will ever happen. Not sure I will be able to handle it if it does. Recognizing this as this gift that it is. Thankful. Be blessed.
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Crazy little thing called love...
Love has had so many different meanings to me during the 46 years I have been on this earth. When I was young, I loved toys or candy or certain TV shows. As a teenager, I thought I "loved" several young men- many of which never even knew I existed. While still a teenager, I was blessed to have had a glimpse of love when I met Kyle and God allowed this to mature into what I know today as love. So thankful I was given that chance at the tender age of 14.
As I grew older and we had a family, love came to mean different things. Without a doubt, I loved K'Lynn, Ryan and Hannah as each of them were born. I loved the father that Kyle grew to be over the years. I loved how he nurtured our children and showed love to them. My heart expanded to include love for a niece, several nephews, brothers in law, sisters in law, friends, children of friends, church members...the list was long.
About 3 years ago, I realized that I had added a few people to my family list, and therefore the list of those that I love. Don't know when it happened, because it was gradual. This included a couple of extra sons, their wives, their children, a friend I loved like a sister, her family, and an extra set of parents I picked up along the way. Bobby had lived with us for many years. His wife Freda and their kids were part of our clan. We don't see them often, but they are definitely included when I think of our family. Andrew and Kim, Audra and Austen- nearly blood. Definitely count Kim and Drew as my own. Those babies couldn't be much more a part of my life than they are. Love... Yes, that's the right word. Kristi...what do I even say about her and how she became my best friend? That, in itself, is a whole book. I love her and her family, feel so blessed to know them. Mrs. Jan and Mr. Mitchell- the parents Kyle and I didn't have when we moved to Hempstead in 1997. There for us no matter what, faithful friends and running buddies- love them like family for sure. We lost Mr. Mitchell to pancreatic cancer this year. I miss him...
This thing called love...how do you explain it? How do you sum it up in a few words or in a paragraph? It must be experienced. It must be lived. It must be felt. It is truly a crazy thing, and I am so very thankful for it.
As I grew older and we had a family, love came to mean different things. Without a doubt, I loved K'Lynn, Ryan and Hannah as each of them were born. I loved the father that Kyle grew to be over the years. I loved how he nurtured our children and showed love to them. My heart expanded to include love for a niece, several nephews, brothers in law, sisters in law, friends, children of friends, church members...the list was long.
About 3 years ago, I realized that I had added a few people to my family list, and therefore the list of those that I love. Don't know when it happened, because it was gradual. This included a couple of extra sons, their wives, their children, a friend I loved like a sister, her family, and an extra set of parents I picked up along the way. Bobby had lived with us for many years. His wife Freda and their kids were part of our clan. We don't see them often, but they are definitely included when I think of our family. Andrew and Kim, Audra and Austen- nearly blood. Definitely count Kim and Drew as my own. Those babies couldn't be much more a part of my life than they are. Love... Yes, that's the right word. Kristi...what do I even say about her and how she became my best friend? That, in itself, is a whole book. I love her and her family, feel so blessed to know them. Mrs. Jan and Mr. Mitchell- the parents Kyle and I didn't have when we moved to Hempstead in 1997. There for us no matter what, faithful friends and running buddies- love them like family for sure. We lost Mr. Mitchell to pancreatic cancer this year. I miss him...
This thing called love...how do you explain it? How do you sum it up in a few words or in a paragraph? It must be experienced. It must be lived. It must be felt. It is truly a crazy thing, and I am so very thankful for it.
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
The year we had her....
Hannah is a senior this year. I always imagined her senior year with a guy involved, I guess, because she has always dated in high school. Her freshman and sophomore years, she dated Carson. These were sweet years and I remember them so fondly. His family became a part of ours and is to this day. It was a great way for her to start experiencing love. Her junior year, she dated Dillon. It was fun going to the state football playoffs with his team and having their birthday party together. Lots of fun memories of the times spent with both of those fellows. I didn't know what to expect from this senior year though.
She started the year without a boyfriend. She immersed herself into all of the activities of the year. She played volleyball, she played basketball for two weeks, she left basketball and concentrated on golf. We made senior overalls, she auditioned for one act play and got the lead. She directed another school play. She chose a college, and then chose another one...and then another one. :-). She has been a busy girl. She has lots of friends that are male, but no boyfriends. I thought about this often and wondered how she was doing. She seemed fine, so I didn't worry.
As this year has gone month after month, and she has remained single, I have come to a realization. This year is a gift from God to her Daddy and me. This is the last year we really will have with her. She has experienced love in the past, and will again. She had known infatuation, and will again. She knows what it is to sit up late talking and laughing on the phone with the one you love...but this year we have had the absolute pleasure of her company. She has gone with us places we might not have had her with us otherwise. She has spent time with us we didn't have before. She has been less distracted by her phone and by texts. Nothing against the boys or those times...it is part of the experience. I am just so thankful for the time we have had these past 8 or 9 months.
Graduation will be here in a blink. She will go off to college (if she can ever decide where!) and God will begin to show her what His ultimate plans are for her and who they involve. There is time for all of that. For now, though, I will cherish the year that we had her.
She started the year without a boyfriend. She immersed herself into all of the activities of the year. She played volleyball, she played basketball for two weeks, she left basketball and concentrated on golf. We made senior overalls, she auditioned for one act play and got the lead. She directed another school play. She chose a college, and then chose another one...and then another one. :-). She has been a busy girl. She has lots of friends that are male, but no boyfriends. I thought about this often and wondered how she was doing. She seemed fine, so I didn't worry.
As this year has gone month after month, and she has remained single, I have come to a realization. This year is a gift from God to her Daddy and me. This is the last year we really will have with her. She has experienced love in the past, and will again. She had known infatuation, and will again. She knows what it is to sit up late talking and laughing on the phone with the one you love...but this year we have had the absolute pleasure of her company. She has gone with us places we might not have had her with us otherwise. She has spent time with us we didn't have before. She has been less distracted by her phone and by texts. Nothing against the boys or those times...it is part of the experience. I am just so thankful for the time we have had these past 8 or 9 months.
Graduation will be here in a blink. She will go off to college (if she can ever decide where!) and God will begin to show her what His ultimate plans are for her and who they involve. There is time for all of that. For now, though, I will cherish the year that we had her.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
The Pecans...
Many years ago, I learned how to make the simplest things- spiced pecans. 5 ingredients: pecans, egg whites, sugar, salt and cinnamon- that is all there is to them. Bake them slowly and turn them often...delicious. Over the years, I have shared these with a few friends that have come to love them and I have come to enjoy making them for them. It is my way of expressing love to them in a very tangible way. If I make these for you...you are special indeed.
I have always loved showing love to my family through food. With Ryan, it is yellow cake with chocolate frosting. For Kyle, it is green box spaghetti and purple hull peas. K'Lynn- she loves chicken and rice. Hannah's favorite would probably be....well, I am not even sure. She and I love food together, so there are several things that she would feel loved by. Probably anything from the Pioneer Woman cookbook...like Macaroni and Cheese or Blackberry Cobbler. OR actually it would be Caramel French Toast. Yeah...that's it. For my father in law, I make him breakfast casserole every time we go to visit. It is so much easier to cook for some people to say "I love you and I value you" than it is to just say the words. Memories are built into each bite. The smells, the taste, the texture...all part of it. I don't mind the idea of being remembered fondly either!
So, I made pecans this week for my sweet friends. They are going through a hard time in several ways. I miss them. I wanted to show them support. This morning, 2 1# bags were mailed out to their home. A little hug from Anderson to their zip code. Hope it helps in some small way. Pecans and prayers. That's all I have to offer right now. :-)
I have always loved showing love to my family through food. With Ryan, it is yellow cake with chocolate frosting. For Kyle, it is green box spaghetti and purple hull peas. K'Lynn- she loves chicken and rice. Hannah's favorite would probably be....well, I am not even sure. She and I love food together, so there are several things that she would feel loved by. Probably anything from the Pioneer Woman cookbook...like Macaroni and Cheese or Blackberry Cobbler. OR actually it would be Caramel French Toast. Yeah...that's it. For my father in law, I make him breakfast casserole every time we go to visit. It is so much easier to cook for some people to say "I love you and I value you" than it is to just say the words. Memories are built into each bite. The smells, the taste, the texture...all part of it. I don't mind the idea of being remembered fondly either!
So, I made pecans this week for my sweet friends. They are going through a hard time in several ways. I miss them. I wanted to show them support. This morning, 2 1# bags were mailed out to their home. A little hug from Anderson to their zip code. Hope it helps in some small way. Pecans and prayers. That's all I have to offer right now. :-)
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