Meeting Dawn...

I have been at the pastor's conference in Jacksonville, Florida with our whole church staff.  Kim (dayschool and preschool), Andrew (youth), Candyce (children), Taylor (brand new music minister), Kyle (pastor/my hubby), and myself...together from Wednesday until sometime tonight when we finally get home.  6 days that went really well.  Yesterday, Candyce and I decided that we would get our nails done after we all ate lunch, since there was some down time during the schedule at the pastor's conference.  I should say that I usually don't have ever my nails done anymore.  Candyce wanted a pedicure and  I just wanted shellac.  Spur of the moment plan that seemed simple enough.

The rest of the group went to REI,  and some sporting goods store as they waited for us. Candyce and I walked in and let the lady at the front know what we wanted.  Everyone seemed friendly, they got us seated pretty quickly, and we both waited for our nail technicians to begin working on us.  Candyce was in a pedicure  chair and her young lady arrived first.  I was apparently waiting for a lady at the next table.  She was putting bright yellow polish on the nails of a girl that walked in about the same time.  I was not in a hurry, since I knew mine would take less time.  I tried to play on my phone, but it was basically dead.  Guess that eliminates that option as a time killer.  Eventually, the girl beside me was all painted up and it was my turn.

Dawn, as I came to know her, was a very pretty 60ish lady originally from Vietnam.  She put my hands in some very odd heating pad / glove things and gathered her supplies.  She and I talked, as I try to do when in this type of situation, about the shape I wanted my nails, the weather, and where I was from.  She got really excited when I told her "From Texas, near Houston".  Turned out, she used to live in Texas, Houston area too.  She named many places that were familiar to me.  She and her then husband (now  gone for 7 years) would go into an area, open and establish a nail shop,  and then sell it for a profit.  They had stores in the Woodlands, Sugarland, Cypress, La Grange, Athens...lots of places.  She said that she missed her husband and that her life had changed a lot since he had passed away.  She spoke English pretty well, understood it pretty well too.  She asked me if I had children, and I explained that I did.  She asked why I was in Florida and I told her that too.  I told her that I was not a pastor, but that my husband was.  I do this when I don't know the other person's background.  Some churches may  have this, but I don't want anyone to think I am one.  I am not called to be a minister, nor am I gifted to be one.  As soon as I told her that my husband was a pastor, she got excited again.  She reached out and touched my arm, asking "Oh, are you Baptist????"  Yes..."Oh, I am too!! AND I LOVE THE LORD AND JESUS!!!"  Her response was soooo refreshing.  When is the last time anyone said that to you?  Never would be my answer.  I knew I was going to like this lady.

We began to share information and experiences. She talked about her faith in very simple but very sincere terms.   She told me about how thankful she was every day that Jesus was her saviour.  She told me about her son, Vin, and how he is not a believer.  "He knows about Jesus, but he does not live for Him or have Him in his heart" she said.  I told her I would agree with her in prayer that this would go from "head" knowledge to "heart" knowledge.  She told me that her husband had become a believer before he died.  She knows she will see him again, although she misses him so much today.  She told me how she used to seek after money and more money when they were opening so many stores and selling them.  She said that now she knows that this world is not her home and that this life is temporary.  She does not desire the things of this world anymore.  I asked her if she owned the store we were in.  She said, "No...I just work now.  I want to have time to be with my family and to study my bible.".  "Besides, she said...what do I need that stress for?  My peace and hope is in my Jesus."   Wow...

At some point, she looked me in the eye and said, "God sent you to me today, I just know it!"  I was very humbled by this. While I know it is true that God has me cross paths with many people in any given day, no one has ever said that to me before.

Pretty soon, Candyce and I were both done.  My bill was small and I had extra cash which I felt compelled to leave Dawn as a tip.    The young lady that did Candyce's nails brought her to the front and showed Candyce's little pregnant belly off to the apparent manager of the salon.  "Doesn't she just have the cutest little pregnant tummy?" and both agreed.  I said, "That is baby Allie...we prayed for her for a long time!"  Candyce said "Yes, that is so true, I had multiple miscarriages before finally being able to carry this baby".  The manager said something that I remember well- "When you trust and ask Jesus for the things you want, He will give them to you".  Not prosperity gospel, but it reminded me of the verse in Psalm 37:4 that says "Delight yourself in The Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart".  Candyce told her that this was true for her and that this seemed to work out when she committed her life to The Lord fully.

I gave Dawn a hug as we left the nail salon.  "I will see you again someday" I told her as I walked out.  Made me think of that old saying "I'll see you here, there, or in the air" referring to the rapture.  Not sure how long that will be, but I know I will see her again.  Thankful for this brief encounter with another sister in Christ.  AND my nails look awesome!  Be blessed!!

Caught me totally by surprise...

We have been in Jacksonville Florida at the Pastor's conference all weekend.  Each day has brought new messages and wonderful music.  The 18 hour drive here has really been worth it , although I might tell you differently Monday night when we finally get home.

This morning brought a great message by Paige Patterson on Hosea.  Each time we begin a worship session, we start with music, have a sermon, have more music and then a second sermon.  Dr. Patterson's  message was followed by a really fantastic time of worship.  Amazing renditions of familiar hymns...I guess the songs made me go back emotionally to a time when I was a child and these were the normal things you would sing on Sunday mornings.  As is always true with my mind, one place then leads me to another place and other memories.  One by one, they took me to a place I usually try to avoid- my dad.

I have blogged many times about how much I have always had a strained relationship with him.  I had little or no respect for him as a child and as a young adult.  He did not treat my mother well  He  did not provide for our family well.  He was a failed pastor of tiny churches that always had turmoil.  These are the things that I always believed about him.  I have not necessarily changed my mind about these situations, but I have  come to question my perception a little.

The words of the song aren't important, but at some point God  brought my dad to my mind.  Today, my dad is in a nursing home.  He has not been on his feet or walked in almost 2 years.  He broke his hip and  has never recouperated.  My mother had him moved  from his home town to be only 7 miles from the town we live in now.  He is in a small room and has a roommate.  He eats all of his meals from his bed.  He has a foley cathater.  He has to ask for staff to help him with everything he does in a day.  It  has been quite a change from the life he used to have, in a way.  Actually, it is better in so many ways.  He is now given attention by people, which he longed for before.  He is seen by physicians and therapists, meeting his medical needs.  Before he fell and broke his hip, he lived alone.  He had no interaction with the world.  He was unable to drive, he was unable to go to church, and he was unable to care for himself fully.


This morning, though, I thought of him.  Not the bitter, difficult man he was back then, but the broken man he is today.  This dad of mine, this improved version, would have loved to have been in this service.   The old dad would have been critical of how the service was run, internally jealous of the other pastors, would have criticized how the music was, (too showy, too many musicians, etc...). But not this dad.  God has worked on this version of my dad to the point that I think he would have enjoyed it.  He would have possibly even raised his hands.  And, he would have cried.  Cried for all of the years before that so many opportunities were wasted.  Thankful for being part of the CHURCH, as opposed to a congregation.  The thought of him being there and enjoying this worship time brought me quickly and surprisingly to tears.  Only a sniffle and wet eyes at first, but then tears were actually streaming as I began to realize what God was showing me.  I had to stop singing, stop participating, and just stand in His presence and to listen.

I think He took me to the session I attended yesterday on forgiveness.  It was aimed at marriage, but it goes to all relationsihips.  I am being brought to a place of forgiveness for my dad.  I am being shown that I am as guilty for ignoring and wasting opportunities as he was.  I have been holding myself  back from him because of history.  He needs this from me and I must give it.  I don't know if i can give it away yet, but the time will come.

A mother's heart...

I remember when you were born.  I remember how much hope and promise you brought with you.  I have always wanted so much for you.  I have prayed for your health, for your decisions, for your heart, for your walk with Christ, for your attitude, for your future, for your purity, for your spouse, for your children, and about 1000 other things.  I have watched you love, watched you win, watched you grow, watched you have your heart broken, watched you lose, watched you learn, watched you serve, watched you worship, watched you lead...day by day, up and down, little by little.  I have been angry, thrilled, disappointed, proud, scared, speechless, and in awe of you.  I have wanted to hold you, kiss you, protect you,  spank you, cheer for you and I have even wanted to take your place when I knew the situation would be so very difficult.  I am much like any other mother would be.  I love you with all that I am and all that I have.

When I think about your future, I try not to envision too many details.  I have guessed before and have been seemingly very wrong.  I have predicted the future, only to have that future change drastically and prove me to be very bad at fortune telling.  I have  even said and done things to try to influence you to get to where I though you were going.  Trouble is, I am not in charge of where you are going.  Only God can see where He is steadily leading you.  You, as a believer, have the Holy Spirit within you to keep you on that path.  I trust Him, I trust you.

I am proud of where you are today.  It has been a long journey to get here.  You are not where you want to be yet, but in time you will be.  You are doing the things that it takes to achieve your goals.  You are making good choices.  You have the right people beside you.  You are not working from a place of self.  You are more like your Daddy than you are like me.  All of these things are positives!  You are my child and I could not have ordered you any more well designed than you are.  Cannot wait to see what is coming next.  I love you.