I have blogged in the past about my "gift" of empathy. I am thankful for this trait, more and more as I get older. I realize that God designed me to cry easily and feel things deeply. I know that this helps to balance the other personalities in my home. God just made me that way, so it is ok. Pity is another thing.
I have discovered that while I am overly endowed with empathy, pity I am short on. Situations that might otherwise bring about pity in other people's minds brings me to a point of frustration. If it is a perfect stranger, I might be able to muster up some small amount of pity. People I know, though, do not get that luxury. I am frustrated with some family members whose behaviors are self-destructive. I am bothered by other that seem not to care for themselves as much as others care for them. I cannot tolerate it when friends make the same poor choices again and again. Frustration- not pity.
I sure am glad that God does not look at me the same way. His love for me is not based on anything I do or do not do well. My decisions don't make Him love me less, my attitudes don't erase my relationship with Him. Realizing this forces me to think about my 'gifts'. If I can be full of empathy, why not pity? I have to work on this. I have to become more like Christ, less like me. My nature is selfish. My flesh is full of flaws. Good to remember when I start leaning to my own understanding. More of Him...more of Him.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Sunday, November 25, 2012
The year the holidays were different....
The holidays are very different for my family this year. We have known for a little while that Christmas would be different. Ryan and Courtney are getting married!! That will change things a lot. So, travel plans have been made. Adjustments have been made regarding gifts and schedules. We are trying to roll with everything, making sure Hannah gets a Christmas (she is still our kiddo at home), while honoring the wonderfulness of the wedding. So far, so good!
Thanksgiving was going to be interesting from the begining. I worked on Wednesday before the holiday and was scheduled for Black Friday also. Lots of pressure being applied by the regional management due to a low census, so there was no taking off. We agreed that we would just leave as soon as we could on Wednesday and travel back Thursday evening. Fast trip, but we wanted to see family. It is important. Goody cake, ham, homemade rolls, and cranberry salad...I wanted these things too!
Monday before Thanksgiving, Hannah woke up sick. She had a sore throat primarily, but aches, low grade fever, and headache. She continued to feel this way on Tuesday. Tuesday night, I took her to urgent care. "The crud"...not much of a diagnosis, but it was the info we received. Cough syrup, advil, rest...not much else to do. Wednesdy, though, we had to make the call. Were we going to travel to MawMaw's with Hannah feeling so bad? Lots of discussion, phone calls, and re-assurances later, Hannah finally said she did not feel like going. She felt terrible, knowing it would change everyone's Thanksgiving. We reassured her that no one would be mad. We would see everyone at Christmas. No need to feel guilty!
No food in the house, so I had to go shopping for Thanksgiving. I envisioned Christmas at the Kranks with my trip to the store. Fighting over a turkey or something...big crowds...limited supplies. I knew it would be bad. I was also wondering how I was going to cook a full dinner without any help! Kyle would be a helper, but Hannah could not. Hannah did help me in the store, though. Lots of folks there that waited until the last minute to get their supplies also. Not too bad, though. She and I decided to avoid the normal turkey day food. We went with surf and turf instead. Sirloins and extra large shrimp (16/20s) grilled to perfection. Kyle is quite the artist on the grill. Hannah rose to the occassion and made two pumpkin pies. We made Kyla Kay's recipe of brocolli rice caserole. We did fresh green beans with bacon and brown sugar. It was delicious! A very different Thanksgiving, but it was ours and we were together.
Christmas will bring it's own set of changes. The best part, no matter how things are different this year, is that we are a family that loves one another. We can communicate and enjoy each other. We laugh at the cousins and the silly games they play year after year. We have moved beyond exchanging gifts and now realize that the time we are together is the real gift. We enjoy PawPaw's smokey cook shed and Sauce Picante'. We have all been together so many years... we are just enjoying ourselves! New family members have been added and are being added. Husbands, wives, grandchildren, in-laws, and even pets. Life changes and God is in control. So thankful for the year the holidays were different. So many more changes to come!
Thanksgiving was going to be interesting from the begining. I worked on Wednesday before the holiday and was scheduled for Black Friday also. Lots of pressure being applied by the regional management due to a low census, so there was no taking off. We agreed that we would just leave as soon as we could on Wednesday and travel back Thursday evening. Fast trip, but we wanted to see family. It is important. Goody cake, ham, homemade rolls, and cranberry salad...I wanted these things too!
Monday before Thanksgiving, Hannah woke up sick. She had a sore throat primarily, but aches, low grade fever, and headache. She continued to feel this way on Tuesday. Tuesday night, I took her to urgent care. "The crud"...not much of a diagnosis, but it was the info we received. Cough syrup, advil, rest...not much else to do. Wednesdy, though, we had to make the call. Were we going to travel to MawMaw's with Hannah feeling so bad? Lots of discussion, phone calls, and re-assurances later, Hannah finally said she did not feel like going. She felt terrible, knowing it would change everyone's Thanksgiving. We reassured her that no one would be mad. We would see everyone at Christmas. No need to feel guilty!
No food in the house, so I had to go shopping for Thanksgiving. I envisioned Christmas at the Kranks with my trip to the store. Fighting over a turkey or something...big crowds...limited supplies. I knew it would be bad. I was also wondering how I was going to cook a full dinner without any help! Kyle would be a helper, but Hannah could not. Hannah did help me in the store, though. Lots of folks there that waited until the last minute to get their supplies also. Not too bad, though. She and I decided to avoid the normal turkey day food. We went with surf and turf instead. Sirloins and extra large shrimp (16/20s) grilled to perfection. Kyle is quite the artist on the grill. Hannah rose to the occassion and made two pumpkin pies. We made Kyla Kay's recipe of brocolli rice caserole. We did fresh green beans with bacon and brown sugar. It was delicious! A very different Thanksgiving, but it was ours and we were together.
Christmas will bring it's own set of changes. The best part, no matter how things are different this year, is that we are a family that loves one another. We can communicate and enjoy each other. We laugh at the cousins and the silly games they play year after year. We have moved beyond exchanging gifts and now realize that the time we are together is the real gift. We enjoy PawPaw's smokey cook shed and Sauce Picante'. We have all been together so many years... we are just enjoying ourselves! New family members have been added and are being added. Husbands, wives, grandchildren, in-laws, and even pets. Life changes and God is in control. So thankful for the year the holidays were different. So many more changes to come!
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Back in time: December 13 & 20, 1985
My first Christmas as an "adult"- at all of 16 years old! Makes me laugh now, since Hannah is 16 and I cannot imagine her doing any of this. She would manage, just like I did, but I am thankful she doesn't have to!
December 13, 1985:
I never had any idea one holiday could be so expensive! At home, I never had to pay for much of anything at Christmas. Mother even paid for (before I started working) Kyle's presents from me. This year is a really a switch!!
Buying for Kyle was easy. We bought our TV, which will serve as Christmas this year. He also needs some new jeans, socks and underwear. I have never bought anyone underwear from Christmas before!
Kyla and Kelli are a little harder. I know pretty much what Kyla wants since we've been shopping together a lot. Kelli on the other hand, is a complete mystery. I think she wants clothes, shirts in particular.
My sister is pretty easy since she has such a small wardrobe. I'd like to buy her something really expensive that no one else will have. Mom and Dad can't buy her all of the finest things, and somehow I feel that she deserves them. I wish I could get her all of the things she wants.
Why are parents so hard to buy for? We have no idea as to what we should buy them! Even though they are not expecting much, I still feel as if we should get them someting extra special. Kyle said he was getting me something, but I have no idea what it could be!
I'd really like to have a big party to show off my nice 'new' house to all of our friends, but if we are going to see my grandmother there is no way we could afford it.
December 20, 1985
Finally school is going to be out! I've waited so long for this much needed vacation. We are leaving on Wednesday (Christmas Day) for my granma's house in Missourri. It's a 400 mile trip and since I love long rides, I can't wait! This is a 'first' for me in many ways.
Merry Christmas!!
December 13, 1985:
I never had any idea one holiday could be so expensive! At home, I never had to pay for much of anything at Christmas. Mother even paid for (before I started working) Kyle's presents from me. This year is a really a switch!!
Buying for Kyle was easy. We bought our TV, which will serve as Christmas this year. He also needs some new jeans, socks and underwear. I have never bought anyone underwear from Christmas before!
Kyla and Kelli are a little harder. I know pretty much what Kyla wants since we've been shopping together a lot. Kelli on the other hand, is a complete mystery. I think she wants clothes, shirts in particular.
My sister is pretty easy since she has such a small wardrobe. I'd like to buy her something really expensive that no one else will have. Mom and Dad can't buy her all of the finest things, and somehow I feel that she deserves them. I wish I could get her all of the things she wants.
Why are parents so hard to buy for? We have no idea as to what we should buy them! Even though they are not expecting much, I still feel as if we should get them someting extra special. Kyle said he was getting me something, but I have no idea what it could be!
I'd really like to have a big party to show off my nice 'new' house to all of our friends, but if we are going to see my grandmother there is no way we could afford it.
December 20, 1985
Finally school is going to be out! I've waited so long for this much needed vacation. We are leaving on Wednesday (Christmas Day) for my granma's house in Missourri. It's a 400 mile trip and since I love long rides, I can't wait! This is a 'first' for me in many ways.
- It's the first time Kyle and I are going away together.
- It's the first time I've seen my grandparents in 5 years.
- It's the first time I've gone on a trip and gotten to drive.
- It's the first trip I've ever made while being pregnant.
- It's the first time I've ever left Booger (the dog) with anyone else.
Merry Christmas!!
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Back in time: November 15 and December 6, 1985
November 15, 1985:
I finally feel like a real mother!! On Saturday, November 9th, 1985, my baby finally moved!! It felt like a little foot or hand was pushed up, no bigger than the size of my thumb. It stayed there for a minut and then subsided. Later that evening, I could feel it turning around in it's confined quarters, trying to find a comfortable position.
Kyle can't feel it yet, but he did feel a foot or hand the other day as it pressed against the wall of my stomach. He feels a little more like a "Daddy" now too I think. Now when I am away from Kyle, I don't mind it quite so much. I know the baby is there and it's almost as good.. It is really strange carrying a child inside me that is really and truly alive. It seems like that since it can move, it needs to be out and in the world. I can't wait until it finally is here.
I paid off the doctor yesterdy and made a $100 down payment at the hospital. That leaves a balance of $850 which can be pain in the next 6 weeks. i'm not sure how we'll do it, but we'll have the money.
We bought a car yesterday. Actually, we sold Kyle's old '57 Chevy truck to a guy in Atlanta for his 1980 LTD and $450. The car is in really nice shape and doesn't seem to have much wrong with it. It'll be a family car and Kyle will keep the Mustange to play with.
The baby is moving again! Now I'm a mom! (or at least as much of a mom as I can be at this stage of the game!)
December 6, 1985:
My test scores really surprised me! I wonder how well my friends did in Queen City? I also wonder if I would have done as well if I had still been going to Queen City. There, I wasn't a 'stupid' kid, but I walso wasn't the smartest. Although I maintained A's and a few B's, I still felt inferior around those who were a little smarter than I . I guess going here has helped my grades int that I don't feel that I am fighting an uphill battle. There is very little competition (only 7 or 8 people compared to 128!) and I really feel that I have an edge for once!
The baby has been moving quite a bit lately. Kyle, who didn't think too much about it at first, is begining to become excited at the thought of a son or daugher of his very own.
We are still planning on going to my grandma's for Christmas with my family provided that the LTD will make it. It needs some work done on it, but I think it will be ok.
We bought a new TV last Tuesday (12-3). It is a 19" color Hitachi It was $329.89 on sale which was a little more than I had planned on spending, but it will be our Christmas. Before that we were watching a little 12' black and white job that was in pretty bad shape. Kyle has really enjoyed not having to s t rain his eyes to see what was on. I can't wait until tomorrow to watch cartoons in full color!! (Yes, at 16 3/4 years old, pregnan and married, I still watch cartoons!!))
I finally feel like a real mother!! On Saturday, November 9th, 1985, my baby finally moved!! It felt like a little foot or hand was pushed up, no bigger than the size of my thumb. It stayed there for a minut and then subsided. Later that evening, I could feel it turning around in it's confined quarters, trying to find a comfortable position.
Kyle can't feel it yet, but he did feel a foot or hand the other day as it pressed against the wall of my stomach. He feels a little more like a "Daddy" now too I think. Now when I am away from Kyle, I don't mind it quite so much. I know the baby is there and it's almost as good.. It is really strange carrying a child inside me that is really and truly alive. It seems like that since it can move, it needs to be out and in the world. I can't wait until it finally is here.
I paid off the doctor yesterdy and made a $100 down payment at the hospital. That leaves a balance of $850 which can be pain in the next 6 weeks. i'm not sure how we'll do it, but we'll have the money.
We bought a car yesterday. Actually, we sold Kyle's old '57 Chevy truck to a guy in Atlanta for his 1980 LTD and $450. The car is in really nice shape and doesn't seem to have much wrong with it. It'll be a family car and Kyle will keep the Mustange to play with.
The baby is moving again! Now I'm a mom! (or at least as much of a mom as I can be at this stage of the game!)
December 6, 1985:
My test scores really surprised me! I wonder how well my friends did in Queen City? I also wonder if I would have done as well if I had still been going to Queen City. There, I wasn't a 'stupid' kid, but I walso wasn't the smartest. Although I maintained A's and a few B's, I still felt inferior around those who were a little smarter than I . I guess going here has helped my grades int that I don't feel that I am fighting an uphill battle. There is very little competition (only 7 or 8 people compared to 128!) and I really feel that I have an edge for once!
The baby has been moving quite a bit lately. Kyle, who didn't think too much about it at first, is begining to become excited at the thought of a son or daugher of his very own.
We are still planning on going to my grandma's for Christmas with my family provided that the LTD will make it. It needs some work done on it, but I think it will be ok.
We bought a new TV last Tuesday (12-3). It is a 19" color Hitachi It was $329.89 on sale which was a little more than I had planned on spending, but it will be our Christmas. Before that we were watching a little 12' black and white job that was in pretty bad shape. Kyle has really enjoyed not having to s t rain his eyes to see what was on. I can't wait until tomorrow to watch cartoons in full color!! (Yes, at 16 3/4 years old, pregnan and married, I still watch cartoons!!))
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Back in time: November 1 & 8, 1985
((Accepted by my new class...what a great feeling!))
11/1/85- I really never though that after being here for only two months I would become the president of the junior class! I never even really thought anyone liked me. It really was a nice surprise!
Halloween was kind of fun. We got to decorate the house and give candy to the little kids dressed in costumes from Walmart. There must have been 75 kids at my doorstep from 5:30-7:30. Some of them I knew, others I didn't, but I had fun being on 'the other side of the door' for the first time!
This kid is really growing now! I imagine I've gained 5 lbs in the last week or so. Kyle laughs at me and says I'm beautiful. I don't feel very beautiful but if he insists, I will go along with it! I thought at first that maternity clothes were the ugiest things I had ever seen, but now they make a lot of sense. I hate trying to squeeze into my old tight clothes now. I got a few shirts from one of Kyle's cousin's wives, but no pants. I had to buy a pair of jeans from Walmart, and they are what I wear most of the time. I'm learning how to sew, so I'll be able to make some of my own clothes.
11/8/85- Well, my class ring finally came in. I guess it looks ok. Kyle was really glad I got a 'traditional' class ring. He doesn't like the other styles.
Adam is going to be seven on Sunday. I bought him a "He-Man" character whose eyes really bug out. It's his favorite one now, but I wonder if it still will be on Sunday? He is growing up SO fast!! It seems like only yesterday Mother was pregnant and I was looking forward to a new sister or brother. I was so excited when he finally came!! I wonder if our baby will be as excited if and when it has a baby brother or sister. I'm still not sure when we'll have anothe one. I think I need to let this one grow up a little before it has anyone to share the spotlight with. I also want it to be old enough not to be jealous of a new baby, but to enjoy it like I did Adam. That is not to say we'll wait almost 10 years like my parents did, though.
These new feelings I am having are difficulty to understand sometimes. Is it the baby moving around or is it just gas? It sounds funny, but I'lve had some gas (or something!) that felt like I was being knocked down! Actually, that's only when I eat chili.
I go to the doctor in 2 1/2 weeks. He said we'd be able to hear the heart beat (s?) by then. Since twins run in my family, there is a slight chance of there being more than one heart beat. I can't wait to hear it (or them!)!
11/1/85- I really never though that after being here for only two months I would become the president of the junior class! I never even really thought anyone liked me. It really was a nice surprise!
Halloween was kind of fun. We got to decorate the house and give candy to the little kids dressed in costumes from Walmart. There must have been 75 kids at my doorstep from 5:30-7:30. Some of them I knew, others I didn't, but I had fun being on 'the other side of the door' for the first time!
This kid is really growing now! I imagine I've gained 5 lbs in the last week or so. Kyle laughs at me and says I'm beautiful. I don't feel very beautiful but if he insists, I will go along with it! I thought at first that maternity clothes were the ugiest things I had ever seen, but now they make a lot of sense. I hate trying to squeeze into my old tight clothes now. I got a few shirts from one of Kyle's cousin's wives, but no pants. I had to buy a pair of jeans from Walmart, and they are what I wear most of the time. I'm learning how to sew, so I'll be able to make some of my own clothes.
11/8/85- Well, my class ring finally came in. I guess it looks ok. Kyle was really glad I got a 'traditional' class ring. He doesn't like the other styles.
Adam is going to be seven on Sunday. I bought him a "He-Man" character whose eyes really bug out. It's his favorite one now, but I wonder if it still will be on Sunday? He is growing up SO fast!! It seems like only yesterday Mother was pregnant and I was looking forward to a new sister or brother. I was so excited when he finally came!! I wonder if our baby will be as excited if and when it has a baby brother or sister. I'm still not sure when we'll have anothe one. I think I need to let this one grow up a little before it has anyone to share the spotlight with. I also want it to be old enough not to be jealous of a new baby, but to enjoy it like I did Adam. That is not to say we'll wait almost 10 years like my parents did, though.
These new feelings I am having are difficulty to understand sometimes. Is it the baby moving around or is it just gas? It sounds funny, but I'lve had some gas (or something!) that felt like I was being knocked down! Actually, that's only when I eat chili.
I go to the doctor in 2 1/2 weeks. He said we'd be able to hear the heart beat (s?) by then. Since twins run in my family, there is a slight chance of there being more than one heart beat. I can't wait to hear it (or them!)!
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Back in time; October 18 & 25, 1985
10/18: ((Pregnancy seems to be agreeing with me...I am about 4 months along now and the morning sickness is over!!))
This is so exciting!! For the past two or three days, I have actually felt my little 4 month along baby move! It is sometimes hard to tell if it is that or gas (ha ha!), but most of the time that is what it is. It never lasts for long and its not kicking or anything, but at least I can finally tell I am not alone. I'll go back to the doctor in a few days and see how much weight I've gained. I know I've put on at least 5 lbs because now I have quite a tummy! That is another thing I am having to get used to- my expanding figure. Before I never had uch of a stomach and was really proud of it. I loved wearing jeans that 'fit' and tucking my shirts in, but not now. If I did, all you'd see was one huge tummy! Actually, I kind of enjoy being able to put on a few pounds without feeling guilty.
Also, I am not worried about money anymore. Kyle and his dad have landed a contracting job with the government. It is for a 1-year trial period. if that works out, they get a 5 year contract. That finally means some steady money!! The doctor bills will be paid without a struggle now! I guess I'm really in a good mood this week!!
10/25: ((Making plans and doing laundry...))
More good new!! Kyle and I were finally able to buy a washer and dryer! The washer is used, probably 2-3 years old and cost $100. The dryer, though, has only been used 5 or 6 times and was only $200!! Kyle priced the same new and it was almost $400! We paid $200 down on the pair and will pay the other $100 within 30 days. It's strange though. Before I got my washer and dryer and dishwasher, my house and kitchen was a lot cleaner! Now I have dishes stacked up for 2 miles!!
Kyle and I have been talking about going to visit my grandmother in Missouri next summer. By then the baby will be here and they will get to see it. I'm the oldest grand child so this is their first great grandchild. When I mentioned going to my mom and dad, they said that they were going around Christmas. They also said that if we wanted to, we could go then too and follow them. Those will be cheap vacations since we only pay for gas and meals up there and back. I think Kyle will really like my grandparents. They are real country people. They live on a ranch of about 250 acres on a mountain. They have chickens, ducks, cows, bees and buffalo! I haven't been there in about 4 summers, and I would really like to see a real live buffalo. At Christmas, it almost always snows and the hills are beautiful!! They also have a creek running through the back of their land which has caves along side it (int he hills on either side of it). The creek is deep enough to canoe on sometimes, but the beavers like to dam it up a lot. We used to swim in it when I was younger. I really can't wait!It is so cozy there. I also love the trip up there. It takes about 10 hours to get there through nothing but mountains. I hope the Mustang (or 'The Horse" as Kyle calls it!) will make it!! I like stopping at the McDonalds in Branson about 11 pm or so and getting hot cherry pies and Cokes. I wish we could leave a little sooner! I also wish that the baby would already be here by the time we do go at Christmas! Then again, grandma would like to see me all fat and expecting!
This is so exciting!! For the past two or three days, I have actually felt my little 4 month along baby move! It is sometimes hard to tell if it is that or gas (ha ha!), but most of the time that is what it is. It never lasts for long and its not kicking or anything, but at least I can finally tell I am not alone. I'll go back to the doctor in a few days and see how much weight I've gained. I know I've put on at least 5 lbs because now I have quite a tummy! That is another thing I am having to get used to- my expanding figure. Before I never had uch of a stomach and was really proud of it. I loved wearing jeans that 'fit' and tucking my shirts in, but not now. If I did, all you'd see was one huge tummy! Actually, I kind of enjoy being able to put on a few pounds without feeling guilty.
Also, I am not worried about money anymore. Kyle and his dad have landed a contracting job with the government. It is for a 1-year trial period. if that works out, they get a 5 year contract. That finally means some steady money!! The doctor bills will be paid without a struggle now! I guess I'm really in a good mood this week!!
10/25: ((Making plans and doing laundry...))
More good new!! Kyle and I were finally able to buy a washer and dryer! The washer is used, probably 2-3 years old and cost $100. The dryer, though, has only been used 5 or 6 times and was only $200!! Kyle priced the same new and it was almost $400! We paid $200 down on the pair and will pay the other $100 within 30 days. It's strange though. Before I got my washer and dryer and dishwasher, my house and kitchen was a lot cleaner! Now I have dishes stacked up for 2 miles!!
Kyle and I have been talking about going to visit my grandmother in Missouri next summer. By then the baby will be here and they will get to see it. I'm the oldest grand child so this is their first great grandchild. When I mentioned going to my mom and dad, they said that they were going around Christmas. They also said that if we wanted to, we could go then too and follow them. Those will be cheap vacations since we only pay for gas and meals up there and back. I think Kyle will really like my grandparents. They are real country people. They live on a ranch of about 250 acres on a mountain. They have chickens, ducks, cows, bees and buffalo! I haven't been there in about 4 summers, and I would really like to see a real live buffalo. At Christmas, it almost always snows and the hills are beautiful!! They also have a creek running through the back of their land which has caves along side it (int he hills on either side of it). The creek is deep enough to canoe on sometimes, but the beavers like to dam it up a lot. We used to swim in it when I was younger. I really can't wait!It is so cozy there. I also love the trip up there. It takes about 10 hours to get there through nothing but mountains. I hope the Mustang (or 'The Horse" as Kyle calls it!) will make it!! I like stopping at the McDonalds in Branson about 11 pm or so and getting hot cherry pies and Cokes. I wish we could leave a little sooner! I also wish that the baby would already be here by the time we do go at Christmas! Then again, grandma would like to see me all fat and expecting!
Back in time: October 4, 1985
((Married 6 weeks by now...the reality of being a wife and housekeeper was setting in. The teacher I mention in this entry taught me so many things that I still enjoy doing like cooking. Good foundation being laid here...))
I have a new hobby that I am really excited about! Mrs. Weems, my clothing and textiles teacher, has introduced our class to needlepoint of all forms. The first project we made was done in "candlewicking". I really like making those little knots! The next project was just plain needlepoint. It was easy to do and didn't take too long. Yesterday we started cruel embroidery which is fun, but takes a lot more time. With these new skills, I'm aquiring, I might be able to make some cute things for the baby.
I'm afraid my housekeeping, which has been less than satisfactory in the past day or so, is going to cause some problems. It's not that Kyle has said anything about it, but I can't stand to look at it!! I know that there must be time SOMEWHERE in my schedule for this extra work, but I know I haven't found it yet.
I was really proud to be a former Bulldog last Friday night when Queen City walked all over Atlanta. The game was really good and it was nice in a tacky sort of way to see those proud Atlanta people walk out defeated! It really was nice, also, to see a lot of my friends from Queen City who I miss very much. They were all really nice to me and acted like they were glad I was there. I wish that there were some way I could go back.
Also, in case you were wondering, we finally used the gift certificate you gave us yesterday. It went for a new fireplace grate and the shovel and broom set that goes with it. Thank you Mrs King!!
I have a new hobby that I am really excited about! Mrs. Weems, my clothing and textiles teacher, has introduced our class to needlepoint of all forms. The first project we made was done in "candlewicking". I really like making those little knots! The next project was just plain needlepoint. It was easy to do and didn't take too long. Yesterday we started cruel embroidery which is fun, but takes a lot more time. With these new skills, I'm aquiring, I might be able to make some cute things for the baby.
I'm afraid my housekeeping, which has been less than satisfactory in the past day or so, is going to cause some problems. It's not that Kyle has said anything about it, but I can't stand to look at it!! I know that there must be time SOMEWHERE in my schedule for this extra work, but I know I haven't found it yet.
I was really proud to be a former Bulldog last Friday night when Queen City walked all over Atlanta. The game was really good and it was nice in a tacky sort of way to see those proud Atlanta people walk out defeated! It really was nice, also, to see a lot of my friends from Queen City who I miss very much. They were all really nice to me and acted like they were glad I was there. I wish that there were some way I could go back.
Also, in case you were wondering, we finally used the gift certificate you gave us yesterday. It went for a new fireplace grate and the shovel and broom set that goes with it. Thank you Mrs King!!
Monday, November 12, 2012
Back in time: September 27, 1985
((I have often told people that when I got married and we were trying to figure out how to pay for a baby, no one ever said the word "Medicaid" to me. I maintain that this was the very BEST thing that happened to us during that time. We learned to pull together, pay for our own way, and trust God to help us get through. The dollar amounts in this entry make me smile...it was so long ago and money was so different then. Minimum wage was about $3.35, so the thought of making $7 was huge!!.))
As we drove to Atlanta, all we could think about was "How are we going to pay for this child?" Super figures ran though our heads, $2000, $2500 or more. We have no insurance, so we are responsible for the full amount. Kyle has been working for his grandmother, but how long would that hold out?
After we arrived at the doctor's office and filled out the necessary papers, we were told we had to discuss our method of payment with the insurance lady. We sat down in her office and she began to explain the charges. $385 for the doctor, due by the 7th month. An additional $950 was due also by the 7th month to the hospital. There would also be a $12 office charge during each visit. Not counting the $12 office charges, that was a grand total of $1335. Over the next four months, that is $333.75/month. We were really relieved that it was only $1335, but the fact that it is due in only 4 months is what is scary.
From now on, our family ( of 2 1/2) is going on a strict budget. We have to or we'll never get everyone paid off.
One glimmer of hope, though. The doctor said "April 14" and I am doing fine. As a matter of fact, I've only thrown up twice this whole week! Also, Kyle and his dad are about to go back into contracting (which is their first love) and Kyle is supposed to make $6-$7/hour. It's a big improvement over the $4-$5/hr he has been making, so we might just make it after all!
As we drove to Atlanta, all we could think about was "How are we going to pay for this child?" Super figures ran though our heads, $2000, $2500 or more. We have no insurance, so we are responsible for the full amount. Kyle has been working for his grandmother, but how long would that hold out?
After we arrived at the doctor's office and filled out the necessary papers, we were told we had to discuss our method of payment with the insurance lady. We sat down in her office and she began to explain the charges. $385 for the doctor, due by the 7th month. An additional $950 was due also by the 7th month to the hospital. There would also be a $12 office charge during each visit. Not counting the $12 office charges, that was a grand total of $1335. Over the next four months, that is $333.75/month. We were really relieved that it was only $1335, but the fact that it is due in only 4 months is what is scary.
From now on, our family ( of 2 1/2) is going on a strict budget. We have to or we'll never get everyone paid off.
One glimmer of hope, though. The doctor said "April 14" and I am doing fine. As a matter of fact, I've only thrown up twice this whole week! Also, Kyle and his dad are about to go back into contracting (which is their first love) and Kyle is supposed to make $6-$7/hour. It's a big improvement over the $4-$5/hr he has been making, so we might just make it after all!
Back in time: Sept 20, 1985
(( From my high school journal. At this point, Kyle and I had been married for one month, 3 days. We must have just moved from Kyle's parents home into our own and K'Lynn was due in April.))
I really appreciate all of the things my mother went through with me. I know what what true 'morning sickness' is. I also know that it doesn't just come in the morning. For the past three weeks, I have been sick. I get up and eat, I go to the bathroom and I throw up. The pattern continues all day. I wonder what this is doing to my baby? I've made sure I've been taking my vitamins, but will they be enough? WIthout any real food, I am afraid I"ll end up hurting my baby. I don't guess that I"m the first to have worried about this, though. Surely other mothers-to-be have gone through times like this when they only keep a third of what they eat. I know all of this might sound silly and probably kind of gross too, but I am really worried about it.
Along with all of that, I am now having to learn how to keep house, cook, do dishes, make beds, clear tables, do the laundry and still find time for my homework. I may have bitten off more than I can chew, but I know I will make it somehow. Kyle has actually been a big help. He clears the table and fixes his own breakfast sometimes when I am sick or in an extra big hurry. I'm really glad I married him!!
This entry seems to be filled with gloom and despair, but actually I am quite happy with my new life. Besides, I am 2 months along, so the morning (all day) sickness should't last much longer. Maybe a month or so. The only problem is that after that 3rd or 4th month- I GET FAT!!!
I really appreciate all of the things my mother went through with me. I know what what true 'morning sickness' is. I also know that it doesn't just come in the morning. For the past three weeks, I have been sick. I get up and eat, I go to the bathroom and I throw up. The pattern continues all day. I wonder what this is doing to my baby? I've made sure I've been taking my vitamins, but will they be enough? WIthout any real food, I am afraid I"ll end up hurting my baby. I don't guess that I"m the first to have worried about this, though. Surely other mothers-to-be have gone through times like this when they only keep a third of what they eat. I know all of this might sound silly and probably kind of gross too, but I am really worried about it.
Along with all of that, I am now having to learn how to keep house, cook, do dishes, make beds, clear tables, do the laundry and still find time for my homework. I may have bitten off more than I can chew, but I know I will make it somehow. Kyle has actually been a big help. He clears the table and fixes his own breakfast sometimes when I am sick or in an extra big hurry. I'm really glad I married him!!
This entry seems to be filled with gloom and despair, but actually I am quite happy with my new life. Besides, I am 2 months along, so the morning (all day) sickness should't last much longer. Maybe a month or so. The only problem is that after that 3rd or 4th month- I GET FAT!!!
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Back in time: September 6, 1985
I should preface the next few "Back in time" entries with a little history. If you don't know, I married my sweet husband on Aug 17, 1985. I was 16 and we had a baby girl on the way. I left my high school in May and never returned. I moved to McLeod, TX where my husband was from and began life there as an adult- sort of! In my English class every week or two, the instructor had us journal for 15 minutes each week.. Here is the results of that effort. All of these years later, the memories are very special to me.
Entry #1:
Even though we disappointed them, they stood by us and are still standing by us. Our parents probably went through a hundred different feelings as we told them. Anger, at us pretending for so long that nothing was going on, and hurt that we hadn't shared our problem with them earlier. If I had been my mother, I would have wanted to beat someone or something up to release my frustration. I am sure they felt plenty of that also. Afer the initial shock wore off, the day-to-day problems were their biggest worry. "Where will they live? They have no insurance, who will pay the hospital? Kyle isn't even working- how will they ever make it?" With all of these questions rushing through everyone's heads, I thought "Surely there is some way to get off of this merry-go-round!"
There was...because God was there.
Even though we had left Him so far behind so many times, He was there...waiting for us to turn it all over to him once again.
Two days after we were married, The Lord sent Kyle a job- which was f antastic because I had been asked to leave my job earlier that day. My boss saw that I was sick and knew it wasn't going to get much better. She told me that if I couln't work to go home, so I did. I was afraid to tell Kyle because that $110 every week was all we had. He told me not to worry, he'd get a job soon and sure enough- that very night he did!! God really does work miracles- even today!
Entry #1:
Even though we disappointed them, they stood by us and are still standing by us. Our parents probably went through a hundred different feelings as we told them. Anger, at us pretending for so long that nothing was going on, and hurt that we hadn't shared our problem with them earlier. If I had been my mother, I would have wanted to beat someone or something up to release my frustration. I am sure they felt plenty of that also. Afer the initial shock wore off, the day-to-day problems were their biggest worry. "Where will they live? They have no insurance, who will pay the hospital? Kyle isn't even working- how will they ever make it?" With all of these questions rushing through everyone's heads, I thought "Surely there is some way to get off of this merry-go-round!"
There was...because God was there.
Even though we had left Him so far behind so many times, He was there...waiting for us to turn it all over to him once again.
Two days after we were married, The Lord sent Kyle a job- which was f antastic because I had been asked to leave my job earlier that day. My boss saw that I was sick and knew it wasn't going to get much better. She told me that if I couln't work to go home, so I did. I was afraid to tell Kyle because that $110 every week was all we had. He told me not to worry, he'd get a job soon and sure enough- that very night he did!! God really does work miracles- even today!
Friday, November 9, 2012
Narrow minded...
I was listening to the coverage on the election this week (like everyone else). After listening now for almost two years to election talk, I have come to realize something. I am narrow minded.
I am a Republican, if I have to pick one. Possibly an Independent, definitely a Conservative, and slightly Libertarian. I am not a Democrat. If you are my friend and you are a Democrat, I am sorry if this seems offensive. I am not offended that you are Democratic, but respect your choice to choose your own party. I would like to line out the reasons why I am so narrow minded, however.
First of all, I should say that I never wanted to vote for Mitt Romney. My favorite AM talk show host called him "Mittens" during the primaries. I always laughed at this. I voted for Rick Perry, and would again today if he were an option. I did go, though, and vote for Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan with hope and confidence. I believed that God had appointed them for this hour, I believed that God would make straight the crooked path set ahead. I knew that He could...but I knew that the reality was that we deserved anything that happened at this point.
My facebook is filled with conservative friends, much like me I suppose. I know the old saying of 'birds of a feather' is true if my list is any unit of measure. My liberal friends could be counted on my two hands despite the fact that I have well over 1000 friends on FB. I do not like confrontation and discovered long ago that I didn't fight well on FB, nor do I tolerate liberal posts that offend me. I hid everyone that I didn't want to watch circle the drain, or I blocked them all together. Do not scold me about this- it is my FB and is there for my pleasure. I won't tell you how to manage your list if you don't tell me how to manage mine! All of that being said, I know people that really enjoy debating on FB with others. I don't feel that I am good at it, don't feel that it changes anyone's mind, and always get my feelings hurt. I am just fragile like that, I guess!
Now that the election is over, I am still in a bit of a fog about the whole thing. Tuesday night, the reality of the vote began to set in. I started out very hopeful, but this faded very quickly. I drove Hannah home from her volleyball practice and listened to the coverage. She and I talked about some of the issues and I was so impressed with her grasp of them. Even at 16, she realizes the impact our nation's situation will have on the life she will form someday on her own. The tax debt is one thing, but the moral decay is another. She gets it. As I drove, the realization that Romney was not going to pull this out hit me. I began to cry. I did not want to think about a world where Obama was our president any longer. I quietly wiped away tears and sniffled It was just a sad drive.
Wednesday morning, I woke up hoping it had been a bad dream. It wasn't, but I knew that God was in control. I do not subscribe to the thought that Obama winning is God's will. I believe that God gives us choices. People chose to stay home...to not vote...to be frustrated because the ideal candidate wasn't on the ticket...to pick the candidate of 'stuff'...they chose allright. We will pick up the pieces for years to come.
I wish there was a better answer for our country. I know that God is in control. I will have to rest in that today.
I am a Republican, if I have to pick one. Possibly an Independent, definitely a Conservative, and slightly Libertarian. I am not a Democrat. If you are my friend and you are a Democrat, I am sorry if this seems offensive. I am not offended that you are Democratic, but respect your choice to choose your own party. I would like to line out the reasons why I am so narrow minded, however.
First of all, I should say that I never wanted to vote for Mitt Romney. My favorite AM talk show host called him "Mittens" during the primaries. I always laughed at this. I voted for Rick Perry, and would again today if he were an option. I did go, though, and vote for Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan with hope and confidence. I believed that God had appointed them for this hour, I believed that God would make straight the crooked path set ahead. I knew that He could...but I knew that the reality was that we deserved anything that happened at this point.
My facebook is filled with conservative friends, much like me I suppose. I know the old saying of 'birds of a feather' is true if my list is any unit of measure. My liberal friends could be counted on my two hands despite the fact that I have well over 1000 friends on FB. I do not like confrontation and discovered long ago that I didn't fight well on FB, nor do I tolerate liberal posts that offend me. I hid everyone that I didn't want to watch circle the drain, or I blocked them all together. Do not scold me about this- it is my FB and is there for my pleasure. I won't tell you how to manage your list if you don't tell me how to manage mine! All of that being said, I know people that really enjoy debating on FB with others. I don't feel that I am good at it, don't feel that it changes anyone's mind, and always get my feelings hurt. I am just fragile like that, I guess!
Now that the election is over, I am still in a bit of a fog about the whole thing. Tuesday night, the reality of the vote began to set in. I started out very hopeful, but this faded very quickly. I drove Hannah home from her volleyball practice and listened to the coverage. She and I talked about some of the issues and I was so impressed with her grasp of them. Even at 16, she realizes the impact our nation's situation will have on the life she will form someday on her own. The tax debt is one thing, but the moral decay is another. She gets it. As I drove, the realization that Romney was not going to pull this out hit me. I began to cry. I did not want to think about a world where Obama was our president any longer. I quietly wiped away tears and sniffled It was just a sad drive.
Wednesday morning, I woke up hoping it had been a bad dream. It wasn't, but I knew that God was in control. I do not subscribe to the thought that Obama winning is God's will. I believe that God gives us choices. People chose to stay home...to not vote...to be frustrated because the ideal candidate wasn't on the ticket...to pick the candidate of 'stuff'...they chose allright. We will pick up the pieces for years to come.
I wish there was a better answer for our country. I know that God is in control. I will have to rest in that today.
Monday, November 5, 2012
The Pyramid
On Facebook this month, I am participating in the posting daily of things that I am thankful for. I have worked the list according to the pyramid. You do know the pryamid, right? It looks like this
GOD
My Husband
K'Lynn, Ryan and Hannah
Church Life: activities, commitments
All other family: parents, sisters, brothers and others
Work, School, Community involvement, Teams, committees
....anything else....
I know this is not an all inclusive list of all of the aspects of my life or yours. This is bare bones. You have to work out the lower levels on your own, but the top 3 must not change. If you do not have a husband or children, then the list just moves up one rung leaving room to add them in if that changes. God always has to be FIRST, though. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all of these things shall be added unto you" (Matthew 6:33) It is a promise to us from God. Place Him and His kingdom first and the rest will fall into place.
Placing your spouse second is easy in the begining. Newlyweds are so devoted to each other. It comes completely naturally. Once a baby comes along, though, priorities get shifted. Every baby needs his/her mama. I have talked with far too many new mothers (or older ones) that clearly switched out positions 2 and 3 once the children were born. This is unhealthy on many levels, for both the parents and the child as well. Your husband and wive must feel that they are the most important thing in this world to you, behind your own relationship with God. Children need to know that they are in this #3 position by design. They will become someone's #2 someday. They should never strive to be in the #1 spot ever. We owe it to them to let them see what a healthy pyramid looks like so that they can have their own someday.
I place church life on the whole in the #4 position. Attendance in regular worship is so important. Commitments to groups, activities, special events and teams is an additional layer to this. All must be this high in my pryamid to make my life work. When I begin to move this to a lower position temporarily, I end up just leaving it in a lower position indefinitely. #4 is the right place in my world for my church life.
Family is #5, I guess. Our extended family lives at least 5 hours away. My sister is slightly closer at 2 1/2 hours, but it is still a distance that prevents frequent visits. Thankfully, Facebook has made all of those miles seem much closer. Our actual drives to East Texas are special when we do get to go, but they are infrequent. All of the years of living closer in the begining of our married life set the stage for this to work out. A strong foundation of family love is so important and I am glad we have that. When we do get together, there is no need to learn names or catch up. We know each other well and just enjoy any time spent with one another.
My company would probably not like to hear how far down on my pyramid they fall, but #6 would be it. Work is very important to me- it is the gas that fuels my car, the grease that allows the wheels to turn, the paycheck that keeps my family afloat. It is not my life, though. The same is true for sports, PTO, Athletic boosters, Band boosters, 4H, FFA, etc... All are wonderful groups, when they are kept in the correct position. No offense to anyone reading this that is heavily involved in those things. I have my list and it works for me. If you can honestly say you have those things balanced out, then that is great. I cannot do that. I get out of whack really quickly when I get involved. Like the years I was band booster president. Hours and hours spent in the concession stand took a toll on my family life. While I am proud of the work I did, it was difficult. Missing most of the ball games my son played in and missing my daughter perform in the band week after week were unfortunate. Can't get that time back...
Everything else is #7. Hobbies like shopping, gardening, garage sales, crafts... these fit in where they are able to be , but are not anything resembling a top priority. More like sprinkles on a cupcake- not the cake or icing themselves. I love them, but i would also let them take over large parts of my world if I could .
What does you pyramid look like? It took me a while to get mine balance out like it is today, but it works and God is honored by it. Take a look...might explain a lot when you dig in deep.
Be blessed!
GOD
My Husband
K'Lynn, Ryan and Hannah
Church Life: activities, commitments
All other family: parents, sisters, brothers and others
Work, School, Community involvement, Teams, committees
....anything else....
I know this is not an all inclusive list of all of the aspects of my life or yours. This is bare bones. You have to work out the lower levels on your own, but the top 3 must not change. If you do not have a husband or children, then the list just moves up one rung leaving room to add them in if that changes. God always has to be FIRST, though. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all of these things shall be added unto you" (Matthew 6:33) It is a promise to us from God. Place Him and His kingdom first and the rest will fall into place.
Placing your spouse second is easy in the begining. Newlyweds are so devoted to each other. It comes completely naturally. Once a baby comes along, though, priorities get shifted. Every baby needs his/her mama. I have talked with far too many new mothers (or older ones) that clearly switched out positions 2 and 3 once the children were born. This is unhealthy on many levels, for both the parents and the child as well. Your husband and wive must feel that they are the most important thing in this world to you, behind your own relationship with God. Children need to know that they are in this #3 position by design. They will become someone's #2 someday. They should never strive to be in the #1 spot ever. We owe it to them to let them see what a healthy pyramid looks like so that they can have their own someday.
I place church life on the whole in the #4 position. Attendance in regular worship is so important. Commitments to groups, activities, special events and teams is an additional layer to this. All must be this high in my pryamid to make my life work. When I begin to move this to a lower position temporarily, I end up just leaving it in a lower position indefinitely. #4 is the right place in my world for my church life.
Family is #5, I guess. Our extended family lives at least 5 hours away. My sister is slightly closer at 2 1/2 hours, but it is still a distance that prevents frequent visits. Thankfully, Facebook has made all of those miles seem much closer. Our actual drives to East Texas are special when we do get to go, but they are infrequent. All of the years of living closer in the begining of our married life set the stage for this to work out. A strong foundation of family love is so important and I am glad we have that. When we do get together, there is no need to learn names or catch up. We know each other well and just enjoy any time spent with one another.
My company would probably not like to hear how far down on my pyramid they fall, but #6 would be it. Work is very important to me- it is the gas that fuels my car, the grease that allows the wheels to turn, the paycheck that keeps my family afloat. It is not my life, though. The same is true for sports, PTO, Athletic boosters, Band boosters, 4H, FFA, etc... All are wonderful groups, when they are kept in the correct position. No offense to anyone reading this that is heavily involved in those things. I have my list and it works for me. If you can honestly say you have those things balanced out, then that is great. I cannot do that. I get out of whack really quickly when I get involved. Like the years I was band booster president. Hours and hours spent in the concession stand took a toll on my family life. While I am proud of the work I did, it was difficult. Missing most of the ball games my son played in and missing my daughter perform in the band week after week were unfortunate. Can't get that time back...
Everything else is #7. Hobbies like shopping, gardening, garage sales, crafts... these fit in where they are able to be , but are not anything resembling a top priority. More like sprinkles on a cupcake- not the cake or icing themselves. I love them, but i would also let them take over large parts of my world if I could .
What does you pyramid look like? It took me a while to get mine balance out like it is today, but it works and God is honored by it. Take a look...might explain a lot when you dig in deep.
Be blessed!
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Allowing things to happen...
I am apparently a control freak. I am awful at allowing things to happen. I cannot seem to 'wait upon The Lord' worth a flip! I try to move pieces around, force round pegs into square holes, and push rocks uphill on a daily basis. I know He has a way of getting things done and that it does not have to involve me, but I still persist. Let me give you an example...
I thought at one point that I wanted to be a journalist. I participated in journalism events in high school and was ok at it. I loved to talk, so doing writing seemed a natural extention of that. I had an amazing journalism instructor that encouraged me in that direction and it seemed to be exactly what I was supposed to do with my life. That was all well and good until I got married, moved to another school and became a teenage mother all in one year. The idea of journalism would probably have gone by the wayside for most people, but not this stubborn girl. I finished high school and got a scholarship. I was going to go to college and become a journalist- you just hide and watch me if you don't believe it!
I found out that I was pregnant with baby #2 (Ryan!) weeks after graduation. I figured that I could get in one semester before I got too very large and pregnant...after all had a scholarship, right? Money was tight, so I needed to make my own maternity clothes. I bought yards of discount fabric, sewed and sewed, and prepared to go to college in September. All the while, Kyle probably just didn't even know what to say to me. He watched as I continued to struggle to make this whole thing happen. We hadn't been married terribly long and we were both so young...it is every wonder we survived it all! I think this is when he coined the phrase (in our family anyway) "let's not try to push any rocks uphill." He finally told me this just before classes were to start. I was angry, very let down, and so disappointed. I had to become a journalist- this was not the schedule I had been thinking of.
Sooooo, I didn't go. I stayed home and I raised babies for two years. I spent time with K'Lynn and Ryan. I dug into the idea of being a mom. I cooked supper and did laundry. I was a wife, I was a mom. Slowly, and withouth me even noticing it, I began to forget about the idea of journalism. Not entirely...I wrote the "McLeod Doins" column for the Citizen's Journal. I posted stories (long before FB) about the local happenings...births and deaths, meetings and church stuff. Not that different than my FaceBook statuses read today, acutally. I did not realize it then but God used that time to loosen my grip on the idea of college and journalism.
A couple of years later, I did go back to school. I went at night, I did it while I worked, and I didn't go to be a journalist. God used a few different situations to bring me to where I am today as a nurse. I tried so hard to make one thing happen, when God knew all along that I needed to do something completely different. He could see the future...I could only see things in the moment. So glad I didn't fight it any harder than I did. His plans are so much better than mine!
So. we go back to this concept of allowing things to happen. Do you watch for little ways that God is trying to lead you? Are you aware of the nudging of the Holy Spirit? Can you see the hand of God in your daily life and are you willing to give up your plans for His? Psalm 27:14 says
Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.
Ok...I will try...
Be blessed!
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