Changes?

God has me in a wierd place right now. Things have never been better, yet, I've never been more restless. I would love to say I am super happy with where I am in my life, but I'm just not satisfied in some ways. I have lost 40 lbs since last September, but I am not satisfied at all. I am also not doing anything to lose more, so ???? what do I expect? I am so overworked this past week that I am exhausted! I am just crazy busy at work and have so much to do at home also. I found out last Saturday that they might be selling our house...seriously? We just got here! I will have to trust God to show us what to do next if that happens. I got the opportunity to talk with someone yesterday about some possible work changes...trusting God to work those details out too. Excited about where our church is going now...can't wait for tomorrow!

From FB..."I think I saw an angel today..." from November 15, 2009

So, although I didn't realize it at the time, I think I saw an angel today. Ordinary afternoon shopping with Kyle... checking out at the front of the store. I had been aware as we shopped of a family there with loud children. I got a glimpse of them midway through my time in the store...not kids, more like young adults with special needs. I am used to that- I 've dealt with people of all types through my work in the hospitals and clinics over the years. I didn't pay much attention to them...busy with my main focus shopping for a new sweater- you know, important stuff!



Placing the items we had selected on the counter, I noticed that the next cashier was helping this same family. Middle aged Hispanic man, maybe 50-ish, with two young adult special needs children at his side. The son must have been the one I had heard earlier. He was all smiles, talking non-stop. He pointed out this thing and the next to his father. Their dad was very patient with them, responding to everything he said. Along with this son, though, was a daughter. Although very small in stature, she was probably about my oldest daughter's age- 23 or so. She was obviously developmentally delayed, but was a very happy young lady. As I was waiting on the total, I pulled out my chewing gum from my purse. When she saw the package, her eyes lit up!!! She got so excited that she began to squeal! Like a small child, she immediately held her hand out and silently asked for a piece. I didn't really understand what she wanted at first, so she began to make noises to say "Please!!". Not the word, mind you...just the sound. Somehow I got it! I looked to Dad and said "Do you mind?". He initially said "No, no...that is ok- she doesn't need that.". I said, "I don't mind..." and he finally said "ok". When I opened the package and set two pieces into my hand, she grabbed them quickly and smiled at me- all teeth!! I was feeling pretty satisfied with having made her so happy and then I heard a similar sound coming from her brother. He wanted gum too!! Two more pieces, one more big toothy grin. That was nice... I was happy to have made them happy.



Receipt and purse in one hand and bags in another , I headed for the door. I stopped when I noticed she had stepped into my path. "Do you want more gum?"... no response. Then she did it-

She reached both arms around my neck and pulled me in close. She hugged me like I can't remember being hugged in a long time by anyone. When she finally let me go, she smiled at me. I said something about how sweet she was and thanked her. I walked out feeling quite warm inside.



I got busy immediately dealing with a phone call and then the drive home. I actually forgot about that hug until I got still and began thinking a little bit ago. Then God reminded me of it and I realized what a gift I had been given today. She didn't know me and I didn't know how much I needed her hug. This young lady might not seem to have a lot to offer to some, but she gave me something no one else could- a glimpse of the Father. Who knew a simple shopping trip could be so rewarding?

From FB..."I am going to provide all of your needs...." from December 2008

The story begins with that promise. On a plane while traveling to Scotsdale, AZ, I received this promise. It wasn't a promise made only to me... just read Phillipians 4:19. I had read it before and I knew it- but it wasnt' personal. On this flight, it became very personal.



So much to preface this with, but the short version is this. 16 months prior, my family moved to another state. New jobs, new church, new school for Hannah, new house for us, but the benefit of being there with some old friends. Best friends...these were exciting times! The first year ticked right along... we kinda thought we'd be there forever. Kids were good, marriage was good, life was good. K'Lynn was to graduate from college soon and we were making plans to travel to Texas for that.



I got on the plane early that December morning. I had been with the

company only 8 months- still the new kid on the block. My boss had been out for a little while on a leave of absence. I was attending some training with our regional manager. Hadn't met him before- wanted to make a good impression. I should also say, I hate the take off portion of any flight. That morning, I kinda gripped the arm rests and began to pray for safety. To my left sat a lady, but we didn't speak. Just a nod as she took her seat- fine for an early morning.



Eyes closed...praying for the little things. Safety, as I had mentioned, but many other things. Guidance, Godly partners for my children, health mercies for my family, the courage to continue to witness to my boss when she returned from leave...so many things. Suddenly, I heard this "I am going to provide all of your needs". A voice I heard- a voice without a speaker. Is that you, God? I looked at the lady next to me. She was resting quietly- eyes shut. Must have been her, right? Maybe not. Just be still- if it was her, she'll speak again.



Eyes closed again...wondering if I imagined that voice. Silence. Then, I heard it again. "I AM going to provide all your needs". I am feeling a little like Samuel now...It's you, right God? Speak Lord...your servant is listening...



The promises came then, one after the other- each time with a different word emphasised:



"I am GOING to provide all your needs"

"I am going TO provide all your needs"

"I am going to PROVIDE all your needs"

" I am going to provide ALL your needs"

"I am going to provide all YOUR needs"

and finally

"I am going to provide all your NEEDS"



I don't really know what to think. It obviousy wasn't the lady next to me- she was snoring by now. God- this must be you. God, you are kinda scaring me. What does this mean? Is something bad going to happen? Is it our trip to Texas, God? Will our plane crash? Is something wrong with one of my children? What are You preparing me for?



As quickly as the fear and worry started- God's peace blanketed my spirit. If God promised to provide all of my needs, why would I worry? Faith...that's what I was left with. Faith that God would do just what He promised. My eyes filled with tears. Thank you, Father...thank you for loving me enough to prepare me for whatever is to come. Thank you for making straight the path. Thank you...thank you...



I had no way to know- and couldn't have handled the knowledge if I had known- all of the things that would happen after this day. No way to know that I'd be given a great promotion at work- providing financially for us. No way to know that Kyle would leave his job so quickly. No way to know that his next job and our next home was just around the corner in Texas. No way to know that my family would lose people from our lives that were almost like family. No way to know how much that would hurt or how we'd get through. God knew though. And God was concerned enough about me that he gave me a "heads up" if you will. I am such a planner- need to know all of the details in advance if at all possible. God created me and certainly knew this. It takes me a while to get used to new ideas- this was all part of the plan.

Jeremiah 29:11 says:

'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.



God is faithful. He is a loving God who is concerned about our day to day. He has shown me things in 2008 that I never could have imagined. Some incredible, some initially frightening, some devestating, some exhillarating- but all ordained by God.



He has provided all my needs. He always has- he always will.

From FB..."I am watching, although silently" from February 7, 2010

You know, FB is a wierd place. I see people that I have known thoughout the years on here, many I am very close with , others I only know a little bit. Some of these people I used to know very well, but haven't seen in years. Some I see on a daily basis. The funny thing about FB is that it is a glimpse into their souls sometimes. Here's what I mean...



I saw you write that sweet status about how much you love your spouse and children...it made me think about my own and made me thank God that you are doing so well.



I saw how frustrated you were with others when you updated the other day...and I prayed for you.



I realized by reading your status that you are now doing some things that you never did when I lived near you. That made me sad...would it be different if I could still influence your life on a daily basis? Is that what you learned in youth group? Hmmm....



I know now how to pray for you by reading you thoughts...seems like you are struggling in a couple of areas. I will do that for you without us ever talking about it out loud.



I see that your marriage is not working out...I wonder if my posts will encourage you to try harder?



I ask God to give you strength in regards to your child since today was a hard one for you. I write on your wall and say "we've all been there!"



This morning, you wrote that you were getting your family ready for church...I am very proud that your faith is being passed along to your children.



You tell me to "have a great day in the Lord" and somehow I really take that advise!



We are able to bear each other's burdens through the words and thoughts shared on here: death, birth, divorce, lost jobs, new jobs, victories, defeats.....life.





Remember that I am watching, although silently. Sometimes what you write pains me for you, sometimes I rejoice. I don't always comment, but I do always react. You are being prayed for and thought of with every post. God is that way too, you know. He is always aware of our needs and is actively woring to accomplish His will. He does all of this without Facebook!! As for the status updates, keep them coming...I love being able to get a glimpse into your soul.



Have a blessed day...I know I will!!

From FB..."Who could have known? from June 26, 2010

Almost 2 years ago, God picked up my life and lives of my family and shook it up like never before. It felt awful at the time. I trusted him completely, but I resented the event that He used to move us from New Mexico back to Texas. I resented the people He used, the "unfairness" of it all, how much it hurt, etc... I knew He had a plan, but I sure did try to sulk for a while! Who could have known?



My dad said he hated to see us go to such a "dead end town"...good thing is I never have taken much stock in his advice. God opened doors so quickly for us to get here that it was undeniable what His plan was. As always ( I am proud to say), we obediently walked down the path He illuminated. Who could have known where it would lead us?



Moving to Anderson, TX was risky in some ways. Small town, first pastorate for Kyle, away from family (again...but we've done this before!),a hurricain 3 weeks after I arrived... so many changes. It would have been easy to get hung up on those details, but instead God gave me such peace about it all. Returning to familiar friends since we're so close to Hempstead has made all of this a richer experience. Sort of feels like a reward for good work done years ago in our very first miniistry there, reaping the rewards of our faithfulness there through these people. Andrew and Kim, Beverly and Joe, Kim, Jason and their whole family, Travis and Madeline and the boys, Bro. Danny, James and Sylvia, Misty and Bryan and their sweet children, Mark and Cathy and the kids, Steve, Karen and their crew, and of course Gayle and Jan Mitchell...all were a part of our lives back then and have now come full circle! Who could have known??



29 people were present for the church vote on August 1st when Kyle was presented as a candidate forthe pastor position at Anderson Baptist Church. The average attendance was 6 or 7 on Wednesday nights. There were 2 children and one high school student in the whole church then. Pretty small begining from most people's standards, but we were nothing but excited by this challenge. No where to go but up! Now, on Wednesday nights, you will see 25 plus children and youth crowded into our new bulding for Team Kid and youth group. More than 25 adults come to the Parker House to have bible study and prayer meeting...Who could have known what growth God was planning in the future with people He had been preparing to join us?



Last year, our church voted (a few more than 29 people voted this time!) to bring Andrew on as our part time student minister. He had already been doing the job, but now we had grown the point that we could offer him a little compensation. A huge step for this small body of believers! 5 students and 2 adults went to Student Life camp in 2009... this year God sent 18 students and 5 adults leaders!! God is honoring Andrew's service and his faithfulness. It is such a pleasure to watch all of this growth! Who could have known this would be our future all those months and weeks ago?



Last Sunday, 92 people attended the Father's Day service. Kyle preached one of the best sermons I've heard... he sure is getting good at this preaching thing! This Sunday, we'll baptize a little boy that accepted Christ with his Mom at home recently. Exciting times! This Sunday we'll also have some of those students that attended camp get up and share their experiences...I can't wait! Many of these will make their decisions public and God will be honored! Who could have known that God would show up like only He can and speak to those young adults like He did?? 6 or 7 accepted Christ...3 re-dedications...growth in that body of students that will spread through out our church...EXCITING!!



Last week, our church (under the amazing direction of Nan Nevels!) put on it's first VBS in many years. 32 different children registered and attended ...not to bad considering only 29 people were present to vote for us to be here less than 2 years before! 38 workers participated each night...WOW!! Who could have known??



God's presence is almost overwhelming right now. It is sweet and thick and unavoidable. If you don't want any of what He is doing here, then you better steer clear of Hwy 90. He has set up camp here and is totally using our town and church to accomplish His will and plan. I am honored to be just a small part of this. Really...who could have known? God knew all along...that's because He is God!!

The first 25 years...a celebration.

25 years ago today, my world was on the verge of a huge change. 25 years and 6 days ago, I had discovered that I was pregnant. 16 years old, working as a cashier for the summer at Dollar General Store, getting ready to start my junior year of high school...all the normal 16 year old stuff. 25 years and 3 weeks ago, I had made a commitment with Kyle at an evangelism rally in Linden, TX to stop participating in premarital sex. I was very sure this was something God led us to do and we had been so faithful to that commitment for the whole 3 weeks...then I realized my period was late. When we swallowed all of our pride, walked down the bleachers to his pastor and made this confession...our daughter was already growing in my womb. As we prayed for God to help us change our dating life into something He would be honored by, the gift He was giving us was already there with us. She was a part of that vow, in a way. So, for almost 3 weeks, we changed everything about how we interacted with each other. More accountability to other people... no 'alone' time...devoted ourselves to prayer and reading of the scripture... we were doing so well!! Ignorance was bliss for about 2 weeks, until I realized that I should have had my period.

With the help of the lady I worked with, we did a pregnancy test early one Saturday morning at work before the store opened. Our manager came in and discovered us, cried with me, and gave me some good advise. I had quickly decided that I would have to quit school and just work there full time...she said "I won't keep you on here- you have to finish school". I called Kyle a little later that morning and broke the news to him. We then began the chore of talking with our parents the rest of that day. So many of the details I have lost over time, but one remains pretty clear- God's hand in it all. From the preacher being beyond understanding and non-judgemnental, to his dear wife Vicky looking at me and saying "Honey, come on in the house...I think my wedding dress might be just your size", God was in control.

I tell people that I didn't marry a preacher, and I didn't. I married my high school sweetheart. I married that really good looking guy that walked into the skating rink one night. I married that sweet young man that gave up his college years and his 69 mustang for our little family since a baby carseat didn't fit in there safely. I married my best friend, who has become so much more to me over the past 25 years. I married a man of integrity. A man that isn't afraid to stand up to a bully. A man that overlooks my shortcomings, and there are so many of those. A man that constantly pushes me in such a gentle way to become a better person that I don't feel the nudge. A man that I would gladly give my life for because I know that the world would be so much better of with him in it. I love that guy... As he has become a pastor now, I have grown to respect him in a whole new way. I have come to appreciate his wisdom and the leadership he allows God to have in everything he does. Having watched a couple of other pastors very closely, his integrity is amazing. I did not see that with the other two. They talked one game, but lived another. This man is exactly who he says he is, warts and all. God is honored in the way he leads our children, our family, our church...in all things! So refreshing!

So, this morning I can't sleep anyway and I'm focusing on how God has blessed me with this remarkable man. I have been remembering the good times and the hard times and thanking Him for both. The first 25 years was rich, but he next 25 will bring things I cannot even imagine. Both new life and death, joy and pain, heartbreak and victory, but Kyle will be with me through it all. Even when the time comes that God sees fit to call one of us home, we will remain in the heart of the other. It is hard to consider those days, but they are also part of this journey so they must be counted.

25 years ago tomorrow, I became a better person. I became a whole person because the other half of me became my husband. I love you Kyle.....