Why am I not enough?

Caught you off guard with the title, huh?  By now, you are wondering- is Becky ok? (I am!) Is her marriage ok? (It is!)  Is she depressed (Not especially)  No, it is none of those things.  I am just asking a question that I know runs through the minds of most of us (if we are honest) from time to time. Here are a few examples.

Spoke recently with a man whose wife suffers from depression.  It affects every part of their life.  It affects her self-esteem, her self-worth, her motivation, her reactions to others, her job and even her health.  It affects his life too, because he is wondering why he is not enough to make her happy.  He wonders if he made more money, brought her flowers, talked more sweetly to her, if, if, if...would these things make her happy?  Probably not...

I had a friend in high school that I had not seen in many years.  We used to be very close, actually dated for a while, but life happened and we were no longer in touch.  I got a call one day telling me that he had killed himself.  He was married to a beautiful lady, had sweet children, had a good job...the basic things most people value in life.  For him, though, it was not enough.  The problem was internal.  It could not be fixed by someone else.  He was a believer in Christ, although I know nothing of his relationship with God since he was a teenager.  Even this relationship did not ensure that he would reach a point of 'happiness'.  His problems were deeper-they were medical, chemical, not just due to any situation.  I also learned that they had diagnosed him with bipolar disorder a few years prior to his suicide.  This was a big factor I am sure in his decision making process.  Not his wife, not his kids, not his parents, not his job...nothing was enough to make him want to live another day.  No one was 'enough'.

We are doing a study in our Sunday School class on insecurity.  I have learned through this class that almost any problem I can think of comes down to insecurity on some level.  This same insecurity also gives us a skewed perception of reality.  We see and hear what we want to see and hear, based on our perception of truth.  "I think I am too fat" is a great example of a common insecurity that many of us have.  Here is how that plays out in our day to day:

1.  I think I am too fat ....so

2. I am self conscious about how I look....so

3. I don't value myself as much as I should....so

4. I accept less than I deserve in relationships, jobs, situations...so

5. I have less than I could have from life...so

6. I become depressed....so

7. I overeat...so

8. I become bigger than I was before...so

9. I think I am too fat.

Ugly cycle, isn't it?

Those insecurities are tough enough to deal with when it is in your own head.  When it is in the mind of someone you love, it is almost impossible.  I know this from experience- on both sides of the equation.  I have been the insecure one and I have loved an insecure one.  Both are tough.  How do we work harder?  How can we be 'enough'?

 We have looked at the problem for a while now...what might be the answer?

Philippians 4:7

King James Version (KJV)

7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

This is the answer for both the insecure one, and the one that loves them.  We can not be enough, not for ourselves nor for anyone else.  God is the only one that can give us peace. .  It is that peace that we need.  With it, the issues of life seem manageable. 

So, I guess the answer to the question of "Why am I not enough", is that no one was designed to be enough for anyone else.  There is a gap in each of us that only God can fill.  No one will ever be able to be 'enough'.  Whew!  That is a relief, because I have no idea how to do that for anyone.  So thankful that God is enough.  HE is enough today, tomorrow and forever.  HE is enough in trouble, in peace, and in joy.  He is enough.