It is finally happening!!

The tides have turned! Slowly but surely, an impression has been made in this community. Slowly but surely, people are begining to take notice. Visitors week after week... members becoming more and more excited. The new building is being visited by so many people each week through pee wee basketball practices and 5th quarters. Families with children...teenagers from the high school, old friends, new friends...God is putting so many pieces into place.

Kyle is encouraged. It hasn't always been this way. Once certain couple almost took this away from everyone. It has been great to see how God has accomplished His will despite them. God has a plan and we are in it. It seems that all we came here for is finally happening!!

All those years ago...

You know what? It is true- time does fly. Many years ago, 22 to be exact, my only biological son was born. I have been blessed to count 2 other young men as my "own" (love you Bobby and Andrew!) over the years as well, but I only gave birth to Bubba. John Ryan (known to our whole family as Bubba) is a very special guy. He is beyond talented musically and writes as well as any published author. I am very proud to be his mom.

You know, he wasn't always going to be "John Ryan". The whole time I was pregnant, I would imagine that this was a son. This was before routine ultrasounds, so I was only guessing. I would call this son "John Joshua"...John, after his Daddy and Pawpaw, and Joshua- not sure where this name came from though. I imagined us calling him "Josh". This was just perfect, I thought. Until he got here, that is.

Bubba got here 2 weeks early. This was great for me, since K'Lynn was just a baby girl herself at the time (22 months old) and I needed to just get on to this next phase. He was born on a cloudy Wednesday and we came home in SNOW a day or two later. Maybe that is why he loves snow now...loves to ski and snowboard. When he was born, the doctor cleaned him up and showed him to us. I immediately looked at Kyle and said "That isn't Josh!" (disclaimer: since this was 22 years ago, I might not have said this exactly. It's just how I remember it, so don't call me on it if I am stretching a little!) I looked at this hairy little guy and knew his name couldn't be Josh...his name was... hmmm... Ryan. That is right, his name was John Ryan. It has fit him perfectly ever since. Who knew what a blessing he was going to be for our family all those years ago...I love that kid!!

I should also add at this point that I love my girls also, but it isn't their birthday yet!!!

Better days have come!

The last two entries were so depressing...it has been a hard month here! Kyle has been sick and then I got it...now Hannah is fighting it off. BUT better days have come now!

Tomorrow is a day when our church teams up with the "Greater First Missionary Baptist Church" to have church together. It is always a great time. Tomorrow we'll have lunch afterwards- I made pinto bean with sausage AND chili. We'll have rice and cornbread to go with all of it. Should be a great day!

Monday at work, I expect to get deposits #57 and #58. That is going wonderfully. The building is almost done and we'll be moving the first 3 people in the first week in March. This thing is about to TAKE OFF!!!

Thursday is the day that Kyle and I leave for Fredricksburg. We have reservations for 2 at the Hoffman Haus... I can't wait!! We'll be gone Thursday, Friday and will return home sometime Saturday. Relaxing, antiqueing, good food, just a great time away!!

Mom and dad seem to be doing pretty well. I am really proud of them. They've been through a lot and they are handling together. Who'd've thunk it?

God...you sure are a big guy up there...taking care of all of us in your own perfect way. I am very glad for that!!

I can see the finish line...

Weary week...weary week. Kyle has been sicker than well for 2 months I think. Viruses, kidney stones, working too many hours, on and on.... He is worn out. I've been doing fine until last Friday. I finally got his yucky sore throat, clogged ears, body aches, headache,snotty nose stuff. Felt bad Saturday, Sunday , Monday, stayed home Tuesday and drug myself back to work today. Now home again and trying to de-compress. There is an end in sight though...next week.

Next Thursday, we (Kyle and I) will leave for 2 1/2 day all to ourselves. No kids, no work, no worries...just each other and time! That is going to be amazing. Now, if we can just get over these colds before then!!

Even keel....

Seems that I have hit this odd even keel. Always tired, always working, always behind! You would think that I would have this wife/mom/employee thing down a little better than this after so many years, but no...I don't. Here we are on Friday night. Brookshires convenience supper (too tired to cook, so I picked up rotiserre chicken and mashed potatoes), dirty house, lots of dirty laundry. Tomorrow I work again and Sunday as well. Wonder when I'll ever catch up?

You know what? It won't really matter... I am certain that when my family looks back that they won't remember the details of the dishes and the laundry. I hope that they will remember my heart and my desire to spend time where it matters most...with them.

In January???

Darn this ADD! I cannot focus...maybe it is the warm weather and sunshine that makes me feel that I am racing around with no real direction. It is January, right? Why is it 73 degrees outside? I want to be in the flowerbeds and planting Gerber Daisies, not inputting data and making phone calls!

ok...I feel a little better now...

Shall I update you?

Seems that I have laid out a few different situations on here that need a little more explanation.

• First let's talk about work. Yesterday I took the check securing the 52nd deposit of 79. Only a dozen (13 actually) rooms left in AL, 12 in MC. Now 66% preleased!! VERY GOOD!!! I think we've even suprised the corporate office... wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy more deposits than the sister house that is a month ahead of us and is about to open.
• Weight loss: Didn't weigh in this morning, but still down about 20 lbs since August. Making smart choices, limiting portions, just doing better. No meetings, no expense, just trying to be accountable to K'Lynn and myself! Ran one night last week- need to get more faithful with that.
• My mom and dad: Believe it or not, they seem to have hit some type of even keel. Dad is trying harder, getting around a little better, doing more for himself. She seems to feel a little less put upon, started a new job, posting on FB once in a while, doing better! It feels great to know that God is working there.

Those are the main things...life is good and is really humbling right now. I watch the earthquake in Haiti and realize how much of a heart for missions my family has. I think we'd all jump on the nearest flight and go if it were just that easy. Father, be with those that can and do go. Be with the Haitians. I trust your authority and your plan. Holding onto the faith and trusting God for the details...

I want to get away!!!

So, we are going on a trip! Probably the first get away we've taken alone in...well...I don't know if we've ever done anything like this before in 27 years! No kids, no job, no phones, no adgenda...just time. Time and the open road and a quaint bed and breakfast. I cannot begin to explain how excited I am. I need this...Kyle needs this...we really need this!! We will be gone for 3 days and 2 nights. Lots of time to talk, reconnect, discover, piddle...whatever we want to do! Did I mention why and where we're going? First why: because my friend/boss Becky and I have busted our buts and beat another community in reaching 50 deposits first. Big accomplishment! Where? To Fredricksburg. We aren't German, but I hear there are antique stores there that might be fun to look in. We enjoy that together, so it will be great.

I wonder if we'll ever make it to see any antiques??? ;-)

It's all coming together!

So, I sell apartments to senior adults. I sell security, I sell fear, I sell "just in case"...I sell community, I sell, surrogate families, I sell a brighter future. I sell assistance - if you need it now or if you might ever need it. Sounds shady when I write it down like this, but it really isn't. I love what I do and it is nothing like selling used cars- people need what I have to offer. There are 79 apartments and so far I have sold 46 of them. Yesterday, two new team members came on board and now there are more of us to share the burden. We hope to be open by 3/1...hope that happens! It seems that it's all coming together!!

Don't speak too soon....

The news in my last post was so great, I almost hesitated to post it. You' ve heard the phrase, "don't speak too soon"... I guess I did. Got all call from Mom on Saturday morning at 5 am. Dad had fallen out of bed. Who do I call was the question? EMS was the only answer. I wished that I could live closer to help and to watch the relationship evolve. Later that morning I called her back...I wanted to get more of the story. Instead, I heard how he had been sitting in a chair for the past few days and how she had slept for 3 days just wanting to avoid the situaiton. Old habits are hard to break, I guess. One of my prayers had been for the old demons to stay away, but they never left apparently. I must be honest...I was very sad when I talked with them that day. I had been "cautiously optomistic", but apparently this was not a reasonable emotion. I told Mom," My list of ideas for helping you guys out is growing really thin". You know, at some point you would think that a couple could just take responsibility for their own life and make this work out. Is that so hard? And as for the wedding band? Mom said she thought that Dad thought that by her buying that she was signing up to be his slave....good grief!!!

Thank you God for my precious husband and the relationship we have. I need another 80 years to be married to him...not a day less will do. He is an honorable man- I am blessed and highly favored. I do not deserve him, but I am so thankful that he tolerates me!!

The piece just slid into place...

So, my dad had a stroke. For those familiar, I have never had much of a relationship with him. Leaving home at 16, I was spared some of his worst years, but the damage was more than done with the time served up to that point. The only thing I ever wanted was for him to love my mother. Not say the words...do the work. Work hard, respect her, provide for her, desire more for her and our family than he had growing up, you know- love her. I never felt that any of those things were done. I also grew to resent (greatly) his weight. He was sloppy, obese, and in my opinion, just stopped trying long ago. He couldn't find a job and I don't rembember him trying either. When the recession hit in the 1980s, I can remember being on free lunches and having people from our church bringing care baskets so that we'd have food. I remember one Christmas when my best friend gave me a pair of brand new blue jeans... one of the only pairs I remember having. Best gift ever, but embarassing that she had to provide them to me. I know she and her mom were blessed by giving them to me, but I was proud even then.

OK, back to the story. I left home and started my own family at 16. I hadn't had a good example of a loving marriage to pattern this after, so we just plunged in and did the best we could. Actually, thanks to a Godly husband, we did very well...24 1/2 years so far! My sister and mother would keep me informed of the ongoing problems at home. I busied myself with my own family...no time to look back- not yet. Over the years, I would look at my own dear husband and thank God for the differences I recognized in him and my own father. No comparison really, except for the fact that they both had been called at one point into minstry. Kyle, obedient and faithful to his call...my dad, not so in my eyes. I have always felt that he failed. I wondered why my mom had married him, asking her to leave him more than once over the past many years. She cited religious reasons for staying, but this was just a cop out in my eyes. God hadn't been honored by their marriage in many years, so this was just a technicality.

So, if we've established how bad things are now, let's move forward. To a few months ago when my dad became ill. Mom had been busy working and hadn't really checked on him much. She never does...it's just how they roll. He had been sick, but since he's a complainer and 'enjoys poor health', she didn't pay any attention when he didn't get out of his chair for more than a day. Finally he fell and coudn't get up...ambulance ride to the hospital. Severe dehydration...rhabdo from the muscles not moving for hours and hours...long stay at the hospital. I pulled strings and go the case manager (an old friend) to talk to him about rehab. NO was the answer, "I have things to take care of" and don't have time was the response. I knew what this meant- he owed someone money. I had no idea who or how much (we would find out later ), but this wasn't an acceptable answer to me. I called him to request his permission to have the arrange transport to the rehab...that call got ugly. I threatened, he rerfused, and I didn't call their home for 8 weeks. I got very angry...even angrier when I never received a call from their home during that whole time. I finally gave up and called...he hadn't even realized that I hadn't been calling. So much for punishment.

Now we are in November and he has the stroke. When something like this happens in a healthy marriage, it strains things for sure. When this happens in a disfunctional family, look out. All of the ugly came out! My mom was angry...he should have taken better care of himself...he can't come home like this...he is trying to be an invalid...on and on. He, on the other hand, just wanted to come home..."I'm not going to mess with rehab"... IMPASS. Neither would talk to the other, no communication exept from my mom to me. Finally, she made the first move by threatening to leave him if he didn't go to rehab. I called th case manager to report this...then I called him. I don't know where the calm in my voice came from. Well, I do, but it still suprised me. I laid it all out. I told him that this was his only chance to save his marriage. He had to go to rehab. She would leave and we would support her in that if she did...he got the message. It was a long and wierd call in which I told him that I didn't know where they had gotten off track , but that God was the only hope they had. I told him that whatever the obligations were that were keeping him from agreeing to go needed to be laid out for all to see...no more secrets! Little did I know what I was asking for.

Total of almost $6000 in pay day loans...that was the big secret. Worked with mom to get a personal loan and she went from sleazy joint to sleazy joint paying these all off. He got off easy, but that is really what grace is about. She was angry...so angry...but I kep reminding her that it was not fair for us to say "tell us everything" and then to say "ok, but this is more than I wanted to deal with". God takes us warts and all...we must receive each other the same way. I cannot imagine the weight that was lifted off of their (his) shoulders.

Dad is home now... things seems good. Mom even bought herself a new wedding band from him for Christmas. Such symbolism there...progress. Both are a little nervous, learning to trust again. Prayer for the old demons to stay away. Seems like the piece just slid into place ...it had been missing for so long.

Shame on me!

It has been HOW long since I posted here? Now that's too long!! More things have happened than I could possibly remember to write down. What a waste...so many good things I will wish I had recorded. Let's see if I can recall any of them? Well, most recently, we had Christmas. We went to McLeod and Queen City and to the ER with Kyle. He had his first (please God let it be his LAST) kidney stone. No fun for him at all...lots of worry for me! So glad that is over. He passed it today around noon.

My dad had a stroke just after Thanksgiving. Mom called early the Saturday after Thanksgiving and told me. She needed me to get him to be cooporative with the EMS guys. He was being his usual, beligerent self. I told him he had to go, he finally agreed. The rest of the story is really long and I will save it for another post. Let's just say that God really showed up and showed off in this situation. Very wierd and wonderful...all at the same time. Reminded me of how thankful I am that someone gave me the advise to never go to bed mad. Don't start off taking each other for granted and you wil never find yourself where my parents found themselves...45 years into a terrible mess with only God to bail them out. Thankfully it seems He has.

Nite...too tired to write it all down!

Flat on your back...

You know, you jus tnever know how things are going to go. Saturday, up and moving, getting stuff done, hanging out with family, tackling that project that I'd been putting off- the storage building. Finished working out there, got a lot done and headed home. By evening, my back started feeling a little stiff. By bedtime I couldn't lay down without feeling the tightness with every turn. Slept ok (Tylenol PM!!) and woke up flat on my back- for the day. Heating pads, advil, hot bath, the whole routine. Here I am now, 10 pm and still hurting... how will I make it tomorrow?? I hope this will ease up- I am pretty pitiful right now!!

what a week...

Last night, I had a vivid dream. In the dream, he called our house. He asked that both of us get on the phone. He said "I have to talk to you both. I have realized that I was so competely wrong. I don't know what else to say other than that. I don't know how you would ever be able to forgive me. I know that what I did to you is really just unforgivable. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I would love to ask that you listen without hanging up." I began to cry...in my dream...it was all I really wanted. I don't want to go back to ABQ. I don't want to be under his influence any more. I don't want him to tell my husband how little he is worth and to make him wonder if he is good enough. God says he is, I say he is, our children, our church and our community say he is...that is all that matters.

When I woke up and realized it had only been a dream, I was sad. I wished so much that it could have been true. I wish that there was some way for things to be better. You invest so much in others when you think they are going to be in your life forever. There was a time that I thought we would be grandparents together. There was a time that I trusted him with my spiritual life. Now I know better on so many different levels. I wish my kids had never had to go through this experience, but I know they are better for it somehow. I am thankful for the ones God has put in their place. There will never be another famiy like them for us, because we won't ever allow ourselves to be that close to anyone else. Sad really...but necessary.

I love it when we get to decorate!!

Well, I pulled out the fall and Thanksgiving holiday decorations for the church tonight. I have really enjoyed getting to do the decorating at the church since we got her. The church has so much character and looks really cool when it is decorated for the holidays. In the front, there is a display of fall flowers and leaves along with several different pumkins and gourds.. I think they look pretty neat. In the fellowship hall, there are candelabras on each table with orange candles for fall. Tomorrow we are hoping to have 100 people in worship. It is NOT about the numbers, but the challenge. I will be thrilled if there are our usual 65 people here, but 100 would be great too! OK, gotta hit the hay- must make a lot of pancakes for breakfast tomorrow!!

Overload!

I have had an emotional and mental overload in the last week. Between a sick child, a car with a blown engine, and a daughter that survived a pretty serious wreck, I was running on fumes. I was trying really hard to just lean back in the arms of Jesus, because on my own I was beyond finished. To top all of this off, I went to Hannah's game last night and drove home in the absolute worst weather I have ever driven in. Since K'Lynn had just wrecked her mustang on a rainy morning, the idea of driving Kyle's in the rain wasn't really appealing to me. It takes me a little while to get over these things, even though I wasn't the driver in the wreck. SO here I am with Hannah driving home on this horrible night. It was raining so hard that I couldn't see anything ahead of me other than the reflectors on the road. I was so tense that I was in knots. Many times we hit deep sections of water over the whole road and I just knew we were goners. All I could think of was having to file another insurance claim! Finally we made it home and I sure was relieved. IF I were a drinker, I would have sure wanted one at that point!! (Let me clarify- I am not a drinker!!)

What I figured out through all of this is that God was trying to remind me of something important. He has a plan for us in a situations. Nothing gets past Him. He filters everything. When I am confused and think things are going too fast, they are actually going right at His pace. I have to let go and give Him the wheel. When I do this, the overload disappears. Sounds easy, huh? Yeah... I know it is much easier said than done. Still true, but very difficult.

Super busy Saturday

Today was just super busy. Did too many things to list here. Main accomplishment is that I went to my 2nd Weight Watchers meeting and was actually down 3 pounds. I have done this once before for 3 weeks or so. I did loose weight that last time, but had a personal tradgedy that knocked me for a loop and made me quit. This time I must stick with it. Plan has been easy...just have to stay on track with the points.

So many things I could mention here, but it is late and I am whooped. Ya'll have a good night!

So many other possibilities...

Got a call early yesterday morning. I wasn't ready for work yet- I was still drying my hair. Hannah was still home sick and Kyle was still in bed. K'Lynn was on the other end, her voice a little frantic. "Mom, I just had a wreck...I am on 1774, not quite to Plantersville, the airbag went off, I was trying to pass a truck and lost control." In that moment, my normal Thursday morning switched into a Lifetime movie. Wake up Kyle, wake up Hannah, throw on clothes, jump in the car. She called back and asked if they should call an ambulance? Yes, I said (not seeing her), have them come. OK... Driving....getting closer....not sure what we'll see. I know she is alert and oriented since I talked to her, but not sure still what I'll find. Rainy morning, very gray skies, lots of water on the road...recipe for a wreck.

We drove up to find her sitting on the rain soaked ground with rain falling on her uncovered head. She was drenched. She stood up and came to me (arms and legs working- check!). She fell apart as soon as she hit my embrace. I know that type of crying...it represents relief, grief, a thousand different feelings. I know it is something I've only experienced a couple of times in my life. It is tough to go through and you won't forget it any time soon.

We did all of the normal 'after a wreck' things...provide insurance, get a ticket, pick a wrecker service, have the EMTs check you out and decide not to go to the hospital, on and on. At the end of the experience, we all got back into the car and drove home, very thankful for the happy ending. There could have been so many other possibilities...some of which would have changed our lives forever. I was not prepared for that. God provided His Holy Spirit to comfort all of us during this expereince. We were not alone. I am thankful for that. I am thankful K'Lynn is still here...don't want to imagine my world without her!!! Now...what do we do about this wrecked car????

Sick children...

Well, today was a little different. I got up, got completely ready for work and then checked on Hannah. I knew she was sick. Kyle had to pick her up from school early the day before and the flu is running rampantly through our school. Anyway, she had been puny all night and I was hoping just to keep her at home with indirect supervision from Kyle. No such luck. She came out and complained of feeling hot. I checked her head- it was warm. Temp 99.8...certainly not earth-shattering, but significant since it was early in the day. Called my boss, cleared the day to work from home and take her to the doctor. Called the clinic, got the only appointment available which was 4:50 pm with Doc Baker. We love him...such an awesome and Godly man.

Back to my room, changed out of my work clothes. Dishes and breakfast for Kyle and Hannah- check. Work a little on the lead center- check. Medicate the child- check. Not much longer, the call from the clinic came saying there was an open time at 1:50. Good... my day just sped up! I didn't want to bring her in that late anyway!

Arrive at the clinic right on time. Didn't wait too long, especially considering the number of flu cases they have had this week and today even. Dr. Baker came in and it was a little like a reunion for a few minutes. He hadn't seen Hannah since she was probably 7 or so. I hadn't seen him since then either, but I used to work there at the clinic so we knew each other pretty well. He has such a gentle way with the kids. Everyone loves him and he is a good doctor also. Nice combination. Based on the list of complaints, he decided that it probably wasn't the flu. Probably a "viral upper respiratory infection" that can really imitate the flu other than the high fever. He didn't do a flu swab, but if her fever gets much higher we would. Gave her some cough syrup with Phenergan and Codeine to help with the cough and the nausea. Old fashioned cure, but it usually works.

Now home and her fever has climbed to 101.7. She is achy, a little whiney, and now medicated. Watching Twilight (for the 1000th time) and just chillin. Hate that I missed work, but you know- these days are fleeting. She won't care if I'm around when she is sick much longer. I need to soak this up. Fleeting...fleeting...fleeting. Thank you God for my family. Thank you for the wonderful blend of personalities, talents, and strengths. What a great life I have been given.

Positive changes

I am trying to make some positive changes. Eating better, sleeping better hours, better communication skills, exercising a little bit...need to live another 55 years or so, you know? So, I started going to Weight Watchers on Saturday. I am tracking my points online and making good choices. I am finding some foods that I really like, even though I never would have tried them without the diet plan. I am avoiding foods that are so familiar with me I think of them as family (like Coca Cola...sniff, tear, sniff). I am learning now to put myself into situations that would normally challenge my new rules. There are some real triggers for me, like the drive thru window (who wants a bottled water with a good hamburger? wait- can I have hamburgers??) and the movies (HAVE TO HAVE COKE AND POPCORN AND MILK DUDS!!!). I have to try to avoid these. Some things are really helping, though. Route 44 Ice Water with Extra Ice- only 50 cents at most Sonics. One of these will almost get me through the whole day. Much cheaper than all of those $2 cokes I was drinking!! So many things in my life I need to get a handle on. This is just one of them. I do look so forward to wearing smaller clothes. I look forward to being able to walk long distances without being so winded I can't talk. I look forward to wearing cool clothes that I feel so confident in. Those days will come. It may take a little while, but they will come. I am 40 years old. This won't be any easier later- I need to do it now!!!