Overload!

I have had an emotional and mental overload in the last week. Between a sick child, a car with a blown engine, and a daughter that survived a pretty serious wreck, I was running on fumes. I was trying really hard to just lean back in the arms of Jesus, because on my own I was beyond finished. To top all of this off, I went to Hannah's game last night and drove home in the absolute worst weather I have ever driven in. Since K'Lynn had just wrecked her mustang on a rainy morning, the idea of driving Kyle's in the rain wasn't really appealing to me. It takes me a little while to get over these things, even though I wasn't the driver in the wreck. SO here I am with Hannah driving home on this horrible night. It was raining so hard that I couldn't see anything ahead of me other than the reflectors on the road. I was so tense that I was in knots. Many times we hit deep sections of water over the whole road and I just knew we were goners. All I could think of was having to file another insurance claim! Finally we made it home and I sure was relieved. IF I were a drinker, I would have sure wanted one at that point!! (Let me clarify- I am not a drinker!!)

What I figured out through all of this is that God was trying to remind me of something important. He has a plan for us in a situations. Nothing gets past Him. He filters everything. When I am confused and think things are going too fast, they are actually going right at His pace. I have to let go and give Him the wheel. When I do this, the overload disappears. Sounds easy, huh? Yeah... I know it is much easier said than done. Still true, but very difficult.

Super busy Saturday

Today was just super busy. Did too many things to list here. Main accomplishment is that I went to my 2nd Weight Watchers meeting and was actually down 3 pounds. I have done this once before for 3 weeks or so. I did loose weight that last time, but had a personal tradgedy that knocked me for a loop and made me quit. This time I must stick with it. Plan has been easy...just have to stay on track with the points.

So many things I could mention here, but it is late and I am whooped. Ya'll have a good night!

So many other possibilities...

Got a call early yesterday morning. I wasn't ready for work yet- I was still drying my hair. Hannah was still home sick and Kyle was still in bed. K'Lynn was on the other end, her voice a little frantic. "Mom, I just had a wreck...I am on 1774, not quite to Plantersville, the airbag went off, I was trying to pass a truck and lost control." In that moment, my normal Thursday morning switched into a Lifetime movie. Wake up Kyle, wake up Hannah, throw on clothes, jump in the car. She called back and asked if they should call an ambulance? Yes, I said (not seeing her), have them come. OK... Driving....getting closer....not sure what we'll see. I know she is alert and oriented since I talked to her, but not sure still what I'll find. Rainy morning, very gray skies, lots of water on the road...recipe for a wreck.

We drove up to find her sitting on the rain soaked ground with rain falling on her uncovered head. She was drenched. She stood up and came to me (arms and legs working- check!). She fell apart as soon as she hit my embrace. I know that type of crying...it represents relief, grief, a thousand different feelings. I know it is something I've only experienced a couple of times in my life. It is tough to go through and you won't forget it any time soon.

We did all of the normal 'after a wreck' things...provide insurance, get a ticket, pick a wrecker service, have the EMTs check you out and decide not to go to the hospital, on and on. At the end of the experience, we all got back into the car and drove home, very thankful for the happy ending. There could have been so many other possibilities...some of which would have changed our lives forever. I was not prepared for that. God provided His Holy Spirit to comfort all of us during this expereince. We were not alone. I am thankful for that. I am thankful K'Lynn is still here...don't want to imagine my world without her!!! Now...what do we do about this wrecked car????

Sick children...

Well, today was a little different. I got up, got completely ready for work and then checked on Hannah. I knew she was sick. Kyle had to pick her up from school early the day before and the flu is running rampantly through our school. Anyway, she had been puny all night and I was hoping just to keep her at home with indirect supervision from Kyle. No such luck. She came out and complained of feeling hot. I checked her head- it was warm. Temp 99.8...certainly not earth-shattering, but significant since it was early in the day. Called my boss, cleared the day to work from home and take her to the doctor. Called the clinic, got the only appointment available which was 4:50 pm with Doc Baker. We love him...such an awesome and Godly man.

Back to my room, changed out of my work clothes. Dishes and breakfast for Kyle and Hannah- check. Work a little on the lead center- check. Medicate the child- check. Not much longer, the call from the clinic came saying there was an open time at 1:50. Good... my day just sped up! I didn't want to bring her in that late anyway!

Arrive at the clinic right on time. Didn't wait too long, especially considering the number of flu cases they have had this week and today even. Dr. Baker came in and it was a little like a reunion for a few minutes. He hadn't seen Hannah since she was probably 7 or so. I hadn't seen him since then either, but I used to work there at the clinic so we knew each other pretty well. He has such a gentle way with the kids. Everyone loves him and he is a good doctor also. Nice combination. Based on the list of complaints, he decided that it probably wasn't the flu. Probably a "viral upper respiratory infection" that can really imitate the flu other than the high fever. He didn't do a flu swab, but if her fever gets much higher we would. Gave her some cough syrup with Phenergan and Codeine to help with the cough and the nausea. Old fashioned cure, but it usually works.

Now home and her fever has climbed to 101.7. She is achy, a little whiney, and now medicated. Watching Twilight (for the 1000th time) and just chillin. Hate that I missed work, but you know- these days are fleeting. She won't care if I'm around when she is sick much longer. I need to soak this up. Fleeting...fleeting...fleeting. Thank you God for my family. Thank you for the wonderful blend of personalities, talents, and strengths. What a great life I have been given.

Positive changes

I am trying to make some positive changes. Eating better, sleeping better hours, better communication skills, exercising a little bit...need to live another 55 years or so, you know? So, I started going to Weight Watchers on Saturday. I am tracking my points online and making good choices. I am finding some foods that I really like, even though I never would have tried them without the diet plan. I am avoiding foods that are so familiar with me I think of them as family (like Coca Cola...sniff, tear, sniff). I am learning now to put myself into situations that would normally challenge my new rules. There are some real triggers for me, like the drive thru window (who wants a bottled water with a good hamburger? wait- can I have hamburgers??) and the movies (HAVE TO HAVE COKE AND POPCORN AND MILK DUDS!!!). I have to try to avoid these. Some things are really helping, though. Route 44 Ice Water with Extra Ice- only 50 cents at most Sonics. One of these will almost get me through the whole day. Much cheaper than all of those $2 cokes I was drinking!! So many things in my life I need to get a handle on. This is just one of them. I do look so forward to wearing smaller clothes. I look forward to being able to walk long distances without being so winded I can't talk. I look forward to wearing cool clothes that I feel so confident in. Those days will come. It may take a little while, but they will come. I am 40 years old. This won't be any easier later- I need to do it now!!!

Best laid plans...

Well, I worked through lunch today so that I could leave early. Had to go to Hannah's volleyball game. So, I left work at 3:30, raced home and got here at 4:29. Potty run and back in the car by 4:33. Drove as fast as I could, got there by 5:30. That is good time for driving from Anderson to Centerville. The games normally start at 4:30 (and hers is the 3rd set of games) , but tonight one of the games was cancelled. This moved everything up considerably, hence the rush.

We get to the gym and see Hannah sitting on the bench (this coach leaves her out the WHOLE first game EVERY TIME- hacks me off!) as usual. She looked mad...I thought because she was on the bench. Game began and went great- they won! As the game ended, though, something odd happened. Instead of begining a 2nd game, the 8th graders took the floor. WHAT? I am confused. Hannah comes over and looks totally disgusted. Still I am confused...guess what this means- we missed the first game. AND for the first time in her short little 7th grade VB career, the coach started her out in the first game. Of Course she did! Since I was driving 80 mph the 80 miles to get there! UUGGGHHHH. I must be the worst mother in the world.

Do I get credit for trying??????????????????

Sweet suprise...

Got a sweet suprise this weekend...Bubba came home. He's been living with Mawmaw and Pawpaw, so we don't see him too much these days. Don't worry, he isn't there because anything is wrong.. he just got a job with his uncle and this works out well. His expenses are very little, just gas from time to time. He gets great time with his grandparents and good home cooking. His sweet doggy, Macks, is there with him. This keeps him from feeling so lonely, I think. I wish he could live here, but honestly there is just not enough space. His double bed is set up in my dining room for times just like this, but 5 people and 1 1/2 baths just doesn't cut it. Not to mention only 2 bedrooms. God certainly blessed us with this house when we moved in, but I wish we had more space. The location is PRIMO (just across the street from the church), but space is always an issue. Oh well...my God shall provide all my needs according to his riches in glory, right?!!

So, back to the visit. I had been scheduled to sing special music this morning at church. Don't sing much anymore, but I do love to sing. I totally lost my confidence when we had a change in music ministers a few years back. Later, a move to another church and a really bad experience with the music minister there basically kept me from singing for years. Sad really... I am not a good singer, but I did always enjoy it at least. SO, last night when Bubba asked me what I was singing and offered to work on something with me- I was really excited! He is pretty good on the piano (self taught, just like all the other things he does so well...jealous!!) and we managed to put together a slowed down version of "I am resolved". It was pretty good! I forgot a couple of words and sang really loud (I do not have a volume control, I guess!), but otherwise it was ok.

God has a way of giving us those little sweet suprises sometimes. The other great part of this weekend was that Andrew preached. It was his first real sermon and I just thought he did a GREAT JOB!!! I am as proud of him as I am of my other 3 kids. He is one of mine too, in my heart. Thanks, God...I needed this!!!

bottled up

I feel so anxious tonight. I don't really know why. I feel physically kinda rough. I am emotionally pretty tired. I feel a lot of pressure regarding cleaning my house and getting everything done. I am supposed to start going to weight watchers again tomorrow morning. I have eated like a PIG all day- not sure if it is a last hurrah or just my own lack of self control. I have a headache and my face is broken out. I have horrible cramps and wish I could go to bed right now. I discovered one of the windows near the door is cracked. I can't fit any of my clothes. Need I go on? I am exhausted.

Know what is funny? Despite all of this...no matter what this list of gripes contains, I feel very content and satisfied. I know that God is in charge of my life. I know that the weight I hate so much is exactly where God has me right now for whatever reason. I know that cramps pass eventually and tomorrow will look and feel a lot better. I know that the dirty house I live in is just part of life sometimes. I know that the good out-weighs the bad in my life ALWAYS.

Lets list the good things (in NO particular order!!):

• I got a new haircut and I think I like it.
• I have cheap rent and a very quaint old house.
• HOUSE starts Monday night (!!)
• My checking account isn't in the red!!!
• My husband LOVES me- despite all of the things listed at the top of this entry.
• I have AMAZING children- all 3 of them and for very different reasons.
• I am married to my best friend
• I love my sister and am so glad she is my best female friend.
• God loves me and has a plan for me
• Jesus died for my sins.

Long enough...good outweighs bad every time!

Crazy messy life...

I have such a crazy, messy life. One day I can have most of my things in order- bills paid on time, laundry caught up, living room straightened up, etc... I am not too bad at this being a mom thing! I have finally gotten the hang of this...I think... But the next day, though, I come home to find total disorder. Shoes in every room, dishes stacked up in the kitchen sink, and a past due notice from some forgotten debtor. I then begin to feel that I must be a failure... Why would I have ever though that I was getting better at this assignment God has given me? I obviously stink at it! Tonight was a good example of this.

Worked from home yesterday. I did cook supper and had a lot of dishes (and I mean A LOT) left from this event. I had open house last night at the school and therefore wasn't home. Also, a last minute trip to Walmart stole more of my evening. Up early this morning and out the door. I had hoped to be home by 5 pm, but a change in appointments moved that time to 7 pm. I got here and supper was ready(thanks Sissy!), but not much else had changed. Laundry still piled up... lots of dishes still dirty (Sissy did many of them, in her defense), and me without any energy. I just want to go to bed, if I was honest. I am tired, I am achy, and I am a little grumpy! I want to be better than this...I need to be better than this...

I want to get this all in order soon. I need to clean the house (again)...I need to do the laundry (again)... I need to get organized (for the first time!)...I need to feel like I am in control!
Now that I have written this, I immediately see the problem. I need to feel like I am in control??? I can't control my own appetite, much less my whole life!! I need to put God back in the driver seat. Would that mean that I would always come home to a clean house? No... Would this mean I would never get behind on laundry or dishes? No...Or that I would never forget to send in a payment? Oh no. BUT it might mean that I can keep these things in perspective. That I can relax a little bit and not worry so much about the little details. Maybe that I can worry more about being the person Christ wants me to be and less about the person the world tells me to be. I want to get this right. I really need to work on this... I will keep you posted on my progress.