Monday morning...awake early and off to a 6 am breakfast with Ryan and Courtney. On the road by 7:30, making good time. I am not sure when the call came in...maybe 2 or 3 in the afternoon. My dad had a major heart attack. He was being coded and taken to the hospital. High....to low....all in a matter of minutes. Dad has been sick since July 6th when he broke his hip. Such a long story, but he has just really had a hard time ever since then. This was his worst episode yet. He coded 3 times that afternoon. We notified Ryan. Mom said that he was on life suppport. We continued home and got there around 8. Upon my arrival, Mom was packing. She was going to leave to go check on dad. I lost it. It was too late for her to be driving. He was teetering on the edge of death already. I could not handle the idea of her wrecking because it was too late to be driving and losing them both in one day. I begged her to wait until the morning. She saw how fragile I was, I guess. She agreed to wait. Around 10 that night, we talked with Adam ( my brother) who was at the hosptial. We were all in agreement that Dad would not want to be kept alive on the respirator. Adam was going to go in and have them turn off the machines. After talking to Mom, though, we agreed that we should wait until Mom got there on Tuesday.
Tuesday morning. I knew Mom was leaving soon. I knew we hadn't gotten any word about Dad all night. I decided to call the hospital and get an update on his status. "He was discharged sometime yesterday" was what I was told. Well, let's think about this. He was there last night at 10 and was on the ventilator. Doubt he got sent home...this must mean he passed away. I asked to be transferred to the house supervisor to get a time of death. He had no record of him passing. OK...I guess I could call the funeral home. "No ma'am, I have not picked up anyone by that name tonight." was the response. One more call to the hosptial...Could you please check again and let me know where my dad is???? No idea. I decided to call the other hospital in town after Mom suggested maybe he could be there. One call..less than a minute...talking to a nurse that said "Your dad is here and is doing really well...".
For over 40 minutes, call after call, I was more and more sure that my dad had passed away. Now, I hear that he is not. I did not even know how to process the emotions I was feeling. I had already told my sister...she had cried....now I have to call her back. This is exhausting! It was really more than I could handle. I went to bed. I emailed my wonderful boss and co-worker to explain. I cried myself to sleep and slept for 5 hours. I know I was exhausted, but the emotions were a bigger issue. Kyle allowed me to sleep, but then came in and said "If you are ready to get up, I will take you to town and get you some lunch". I was ready pretty quick and we went to Bryan. I so needed that time with him. We shopped, hung out, went to Hannah's ball game, and I did a little bit of healing. That afternoon, Mom had arrived at the hospital. We fully expected her to get there and begin to say goodbye. To get there and tell the staff that she was ready for them to turn off his life support. For her to get there and for my dad to pass away. When she did get there, though, he was awake. He was on life support (the ventilator) which was breathing for him 100% of the time, but he was alert and could communicate with his eyes and hand gestures. He was not a man that was ready to have any plugs pulled!
On Wednesday, he was a little better. Still on the vent, but more alert and able to appreciate the fact that my mom was there. Thursday came, and he was extubated. He was placed on oxygen by nasal canula only. On Friday, he was moved to the pulmonary floor and put into a private room. He and my mom talked alot during this time. They resolved a lot of issues that had been lingering, unspoken. They made peace...they talked about what would happen when he coded the next time. He decided to be made a "DNR (do not recussitate) and DNI (do not intubate)". He decided where he wanted his ashes spread. They had already decided he would be creamated, but more specifics were identified. He told my mom that he wants a memorial to be held in Anderson. This is where the people are that have loved and supported mom for the past year and a half. My sister is with mom and dad now. They are enjoying the time he has left together.
I did not go. I started to, but I decided against it. I saw him a few months ago, when he was still at home. I think that for me, I prefer to remember him that way for now. I have spoken with him on the phone, he knows about Ryan and Courtney's engagement. He knows how great things are going at the church. He knows about how Hannah is doing in school and about her Sweet 16 party. He is so very proud of my family. I may go soon, but feel peace about my decision for now. I am thakful for this rollercoaster, in a way. I am so glad that they had time to resolve so many things. I dont think she is angry anymore. It feels to me like that peace that passeth understanding. You aren't sure why you are ok (because many people wouldn't be), but you just are. When it happens...today or in 10 years...I will be at peace with it.
So, with all of that said....be intentional with your actions and live everyday to it's fullest. Life can change in an instant. We are not promised tomorrow. Blessings....
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